Mommy Brain

Grandparent's Day 2010

2010-10-15T17:52:00.002-05:00

Today was Grandparent's Day at school. Unfortunately, none of the grandparents could be there...they were all out of state. Emily had her first sax "solo" or rather duet with her teacher. She's been playing for a year now and taking lessons for about 4 months...something has clicked...and she did beautifully. Christian is playing in the second clip...he's frustrated with his band because they won't stop screwing around...but he is doing well. Jed is in the third clip. He didn't know I was there till the end...that's when his smile came out. And Wesley, he had pink eye today...and it sucked! But we had a good day...just screwing around. And tomorrow is his BIRTHDAY!!!!!! YAY!!!

Never Alone

2010-10-14T20:33:00.005-05:00

I found this on another blog...if anyone is still reading my blog, I hope you are blessed by it like I was.

Like many people around the world today, I am transfixed by the drama unfolding in Chile as the 33 miners who have spent 69 days 2000' underground are pulled to the surface one by one. I can't imagine the ordeal they went through as day after day went by with an uncertain future.

In reading the CNN article on this story, (so far, as of noon on Wednesday), one line jumped out at me.

"To say there were 33 trapped in the mine is wrong, Ramirez said. There were 33 men -- and God."

I've had a few phone calls this week with folks who are facing uncertain futures, and fighting with despair. Whether it's health issues, job issues, divorce, addictions, or a myriad of other challenges that our people are facing, the challenge remains the same; an uncertain future.

It is imperative that we remember one critical truth as we navigate our life on earth; you are never alone. For those who have called and trusted in the name of Jesus, you will never again be alone. It's you + God and that is an equation built for success. Consider the following Scriptures;

[Jesus] "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." (John 10:27-28)

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:14-16)

No matter what we face in life; whether it's a test or a trial, grief or sin, remember that you're never alone. As the popular worship song by Matt Redman says,

Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm,
Oh, no, You never let go, through every high and every low,
Oh, no, You never let go, Lord you never let go of me.

"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:2)

My prayer is that you would be reminded today that Christ is IN you. I leave you with this;

"And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you." (Romans 8:10-11)

Awakening

2010-08-21T07:28:00.007-05:00

Do you remember this movie? It describes a little bit of what I've felt is happening in my life. After 13 years of being a stay-at-home mom things are changing all around me and in the process I've experienced an awakening deep inside of myself that I wasn't expecting.

Soon, I will be sending my baby to Kindergarten and everything I've known about every day life is going to change. This is a day that I've dreamed of for years. I never understood when other mom's would cry and be so emotional about watching the last one go to school...I always thought these women were nuts. But now, in my old age, I get it. It's the end of an era. And, that is sad in the way that it is always hard to say good-bye and it is always hard to experience change.

Knowing that this moment in time has been approaching quickly has forced me to take notice of the every day common things that will soon be gone such as: the feeling of a little hand reaching up to hold mine as we walk through a parking lot, the smell and softness of sleepy heads right after dawn, the richness of being able to pick up a big 5 year old in my arms and feel his tight grasp around my neck, laying in bed and reading a picture book, the feeling of joy I get when I tickle a belly and the wonderful sound of tiny giggles, enjoying peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at my kitchen table at noon, chalk drawings on the sidewalk and wiping tears of disappointment...really all those things are rich and buttery and sweet. But, for so many years they have just been common...not for long.

My role is changing...ready or not. I've been given a shove in that direction over the last 6 weeks because a job literally fell into my lap. I wasn't looking, wasn't expecting to go back to work, wasn't preparing to go back to work, just suddenly was back to work. I think I was naive about the whole thing and just thought taking this position would be like getting paid for what I was already doing. It has come to mean so much more than that and it requires much more than that...ready or not!

Over the last few weeks, we, my kids, my husband and myself, have had to quickly learn what it means that mom is not always around. What it means that mom has to leave and they have to step up and take on more responsibility. I think this is a good experience...we just weren't prepared for the shock of it all.

Personally, I wasn't prepared for what is awakening inside of me. It has been like a part of myself that has been asleep for many years is alive, thriving and begging to get out. I've located a new boldness I never knew I had. I'm having conversations I never thought I could have and asking for things in a way I didn't know I was capable of. And, I'm taking risks...and really, that is brand new for me. I'm asking people to believe in me...and in order to do that I must first believe in myself...

Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy.: W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge, 1943

My oldest...

2010-06-05T20:50:00.003-05:00

My oldest child, Christian Douglas, will stand in front of our church tomorrow morning and make his very own profession of faith. I just can't believe that he is old enough! It seems as if it was yesterday that I was counting the days until my due date...and then experiencing those 3 painful days that I had to wait past my due date until he made his appearance.

When we found out I was pregnant, after experiencing a terribly painful miscarriage, we knew immediately what we were going to name him. Christian Douglas would be his name...this little man who would be the most perfect representation of our love. Combining my name Christine with my husband Douglas's name.

Christian is a thoughtful, wise, intuitive young man who is one of the most forgiving people I know. He is incredibly musical...never ceasing to amaze me how he can improvise on his saxophone with out any practice at all? Makes this momma wonder what how great he would be if he practiced.

He is also an incredible dedicated Christian who is not afraid to ask difficult questions, wrestle with difficult concepts, but is also not afraid to accept the things he can't always understand. He seeks to know Christ, he struggles to read his Bible and he seeks to hear God's voice through prayer. He teaches me things daily and often has insights that are beyond his years.

I'm incredibly proud of him, incredibly blessed by him and can't wait to celebrate with him tomorrow.

Learning about photography

2010-05-22T19:41:00.004-05:00

I got Doug a Cannon Rebel XSI for Christmas this year. The camera does so much and I really have no idea how to use it except for the point and click function. I have this great instrument and only know how to play chopsticks on it. I am having fun trying to blindly find my way around the camera...and slowly I'm learning about the settings on the internet. I don't own a good photo editing software...so if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears. I am thinking about Photoshop...one of my girlfriends has warned me that it is really hard to use. Maybe I'll take a class at our local community college?

Here are a few pictures of my beautiful children. My favorite subject.

Miscellany Monday

2010-05-17T11:32:00.002-05:00

i've been reading lots of blogs lately, probably to just keep from doing my housework...and lowercase letters is one i occasionally read. i like her title. that's probably what brought me there in the first place, that or a give away. i'm a givaway addict lately...but haven't won anything yet. i even entered a blog swap...is that pathetic? we are leaving for mexico in a week from tomorrow...i'm not counting the days or anything. wish we had left about 6 weeks ago because i was 10lbs lighter then...and then, i fell off the wagon. birthday cake will do that to you...birthday cake and stress. i eat when i'm stressed...i've had a lot of stress lately...i've been eating alot lately. last random thought of the day, doug just asked me what i was humming while i was surfing the web...the song from dirty dancing that the sister sang in the talent show..."join hands and hearts and voices, voices, and hands. at kellerman's the friendships last long as the mountain stands." ya, i have no idea why?

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-02T15:50:00.003-05:00

I got this beautiful hand made card from Wesley this afternoon. He spent the afternoon over at Ettema's playing with Alaina. I was so touched I almost cried. "Ahh...buddy, did you make me a card...my sweet boy..." Then I read it....all typed up in pretty different colors(Alaina had helped him)

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!

I love and I'm sorry you had to go on the
camp out with Emily and that she was so
annoying. Happy Mother's
Day!

Love,
Wesley

Touching.

Life

2010-04-08T17:25:00.001-05:00

As I sit here at the computer I hear Emily and Wesley chatting together. They don't know that I'm eaves dropping because I'm not in their sight lines but I can still hear their conversation and the crunch of their chips as they eat an entire bag of chips together as an afternoon snack. I hear him telling her all about his day as we "dragged him into all kinds of daddy clothes stores." I hear her ask him for a kiss because, "Wesley kisses are the best." They are having a great time and it makes me smile. It's times like these I need to remember when the trials of being siblings gets the best of them. Ah!

I'd like some more stuff

2010-03-06T21:28:00.002-06:00

So the other day I was making dinner. Wesley was asking me 10,000 questions about what I was making...nothing new there. But I didn't have the patience to answer all of the questions. So, when he asked me what I was making I told him "stuff." That night he kept saying, "This stuff is great! I love this stuff!" The next day in the car he told me, "Mom, I really liked that stuff we had for dinner last night. Tonight I'd like to have stuff again! Ok?" Crack me up! That kid is the best!

Sitting alone...

2010-02-18T14:00:00.002-06:00

This afternoon I am enjoying the rare treat of sitting alone at Borders with good coffee, a computer with free Wi-Fi, actual work to do and the smell of ...the bathroom? It would be a perfect afternoon if the horrid smell of the men's toilet wasn't wafting above the smell of Seattle's Best. Oh Well.

Tomorrow morning I'm speaking to my church's MOPS group on the topic of marriage and sex. I've spoken to many groups over the years but never to our church...strange huh? I was given an opportunity to speak at Christmas for a few minutes and I guess I proved myself because they asked me back.

I love giving this speech because it seems so naughty to talk about sex in church. I love busting through the embarrassment wall that is there and getting real with the MOPS moms. Any time I talk to MOPS groups it amazes me how walled off the ladies are...and when I start to reveal my own struggles and embarassing stories...they start to tell their own. It's amazing!

It's also a very heavy job too. Each time I've spoken, on a variety of topics, there is one or two ladies who tell me their stories...and I am amazed at the resiliency of women and how strong they are and how much they put up with. My heart breaks at the stories I've been told...

There is so much brokenness in this world, in our churches, in our circles of friends. We need each other so badly. And we so badly need to stop trying to be perfect and appear as if we have everything together...authenticity and transparency are so much less lonely than keeping up a great appearance.

My prayer for you today is that you have someone in your life who you can be completely real with...someone who you don't have to pretend around...and that you have the freedom to really share with someone what is going on in your life.

The calm after the storm

2010-02-09T08:58:00.004-06:00

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can do things I couldn't, feel things I didn't and know things I wouldn't...Praise God! --Beth Moore

I find myself asking to be filled with the Holy Spirit almost daily lately because I am convinced that it is not in my own power or wisdom that I have been able to walk through the last few weeks of parenting. I'm so glad that I can say I am looking back on this latest storm and so thankful that I don't think I've burned bridges but by God's grace was able to build some.

So, I cried all day the day I emailed the principal and band teacher. In hinds sight, I can see that I was getting my period but at the time, I was overcome with anger, sadness, frustration and grief. So many times in my life the most compelling drama comes right before my period..and it leaves me to wonder...which comes first? Seriously, what's up with that?

Anyway...the principal called me shortly after I had written my blog post. She wanted to find out more about the story and help me process through this situation. She did tell me that she saw this as cheating, stealing and lying and that there is a specific discipline rubric to handle this although it did offer her a range of punishments from suspension to detention. When she mentioned suspension I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach...OMG, what have I done? Many times throughout this process I've had to remind myself and have others remind me that "I" did not create this situation, that my daughter had created this situation, this was not my doing. As a mother, it's hard to keep that in perspective sometimes. The thing is when I see other people going through similar situations, I quickly and freely judge their emotional responses, but experiencing this first hand awarded me a much different perspective.

After much discussion, the principal and I came to the conclusion that a 1-2 day out of school suspension was probably not the most effective punishment. Social networking is my daughter's most valued resource, so it was social networking that was going suffer the most. She was going to be pulled into the principal's office, talk this over with her, be required to talk to the band teacher face to face and confess what she had done, lose recess for 2 days and lose the privilege of attending all specials such as gym, music, band, chapel, library and computers. She was going to be required to sit in a room alone during all of those times during the school day. The unfortunate thing for her, and the rest of the family, was that this punishment was taking place from Friday to Monday.

All day on Friday, I was conflicted. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to teach her. I wanted...I had no idea what I wanted....I wanted this to end. During the day, I was given a unique perspective on our relationship with God. The Bible says that we "grieve the Holy Spirit" and that Jesus "wept over Jerusalem." I don't think I ever fully understood this...but now, I think I have a better understanding. My heart was breaking over her choice and what I was being required to do in order to parent her. I knew that I had to continue to punish and instruct her and yet throughout it all it was breaking my heart to see her in such pain.

Oh, the drama! I should have known 16 years ago when Doug and I got married that we would always have a lion's share of drama surrounding our family. Neither him nor I seem to escape it...it comes naturally, it often thrills us and life just isn't worth living if you don't fully experience it. My children, all of them, have embraced this way of life as well. Oh, the drama! She cried from Friday pretty much straight through until Sunday. As I type this we are in the midst of a 30 hour snow storm. Just when I think it's over, the snow comes back with a vengeance...such was the crying in our house. "The worst part is, Mom, I just don't know what to tell my friends about why I'm not out at recess or at band. I don't ever want anyone to find out about this mom...I haven't even told my best friend."

I prayed with her...ALOT! Over her, with her, for her... And for that I'm thankful. We have since been praying together and studying God's word together. She asks for it. I'm glad. If this is what it took for the two of us to start learning about living with Jesus...it was worth it. She is worth it.

It's just the beginning though... 5th grade, 6th, 7th, 8th and then high school... I'm buckling my seatbelt, reading my Bible and praying hard... life, here we come!

Shock and Awe 5th grade style

2010-01-22T09:00:00.004-06:00

I write this with tears in my eyes and my heart breaking...and yet I can say God is good! The last few days here at home have been full of drama...the shock and awe kind...5th grade style.

I could see my daughter starting to spin out of control on Tuesday evening when she came down crying because Wednesday was report card day. She was starting to take an inventory of all the things she did not do over the past quarter and knew that it was going to be on paper for us to see. She was terrified of facing that truth. The tears started to flow, her stomach started to hurt, she was too sick to go to school in the morning...and on and on. She cried literally all night long. I still sent her to school. She called me at 11am to come pick her up. I did not. I told her she wouldn't die, that it was what it was, that she needed to face up to the truth take her punishment and move on. She cried. She cried so hard all day that when I picked her up her face was swollen, her eyes were blood shot, her head hurt.

At this point in the story, let me say that she is an all A and B student...mostly A's. Her report card was brilliant. Except. Except for the two places she was responsible for putting in time to read or practice. Those tasks that you can't save until the end, the stuff that needs to be done consistently day in and day out. The stuff you can't fix at the last minute no matter what. The tasks that will kill a procrastinator every time. I know these tasks because I have suffered from procrastination my whole life. It sucks, there is a lot of shame involved in knowing that you could have done something but that you choose not too and now you have to pay the piper.

So, she showed us her report card. She was told, "good job" and that in those two places she needed to improve. That her environment was going to be altered to set her up for success(I literally used those words); that she shouldn't blame any teacher for this problem yet she should own this and make it better. There wasn't any yelling, there wasn't any screaming, no one threw anything. And yet, she cried. She cried and she cried until her anxiety gave her such bad heart burn she talked me into letting her stay home from school. It was against my better judgment, but I caved none the less.

Throughout the course of the day she lied to my face three times. The first was a slight lie, the kind that you pull when you think that simple coincidence will be your friend and cover for you. The kind where you don't give up the truth right away, but hope that someone else in the room will explain away what happened so that you don't have to. The type of lie that makes a mom wonder, did she just pull a fast one on me?

The second lie was the kind the exaggeration kind. "How'd you do?" "Great!" is the reply. "Really?" "Well, I got a little bit done." "Really?" "Well, I just started." "You need to be more truthful with your answers..." was my response. But I was starting to get irked...something was telling me to take notice.

At that point, I turned on my computer and found a reply from the band teacher. It read, "Sure, I'll do that. Mr. Band Teacher" I was confused, I checked the date stamp, I checked the original message, I didn't understand and then, lightbulb, "OH, Crap!" The origninal message was: Chris(Mr. Band teacher's first name), My daughter practiced 300 minutes but forgot to turn in her practice sheets. Please change her grade to reflect this. Thanks, MY NAME

At this point in the day, I could have ripped someone's head off! I simply was dumbfounded by what was in front of me. I was shocked. Shock and Awe...reigning down on me 5th grade style.

Parenting these types of problems makes me sick to my stomach. I love my kids yet I want them to know that their actions have consequences and sometimes, I'm at a loss of what those consequences should be. I wish there was a manual about this, a troubleshooting guide for when things go wrong. But there is none.

In your room for the rest of the day, computer privileges taken away, TV taken away...but really don't know if these are consequence based punishments. I firmly believe that the punishment should fit the crime but those aren't always the easiest to come up with.

This morning I wrote her principal and her band teacher. I told them what has been going on and asked for their help. I asked for a detention. I know this is going to crush her...really, really hurt her. I'm sick. I know it's right but my heart is breaking...breaking for my beautiful little girl and the pain she is going to go through. It's not jail, she's not pregnant, she hasn't robbed a bank...and thank God!

I'm laughing at little because when I was toilet training her and was so ultra frustrated, older parents would say, "just wait." I'm so glad that I had that option. As I grow as a parent, so do the issues. I'm so thankful for that...that there is a learning curve. I know it could be worse...but for today this is about as bad as I can handle.

I know she will live. I know I will. But I don't like it.

2010-01-19T06:56:00.013-06:00

Ode to My Funeral (inspired by a true story)
When I die, will you dance at my funeral?

Would you have loved me enough to wear your favorite tutu
twirl your very best twirls
and point your toes?

When I die, will you dance at my funeral?
Even when all others will concentrate on suppressing a smirk
Will you proudly resemble a pink jelly bean
up on the stage?

When I die, will you sing at my funeral?
Will you clasp your hands before you
warble your strongest warble
and attempt your best opera?

If you love me, you will dance your best dance
and warble your best warble
and embarrass yourself as much as possible
And hopefully accomplish my goal-
to crack everybody up.

At your expense.

Now THAT would be an awesome funeral.
(Dedicated to the most pious and godly Deb Marth.Amen.)

So I ran across this poem yesterday on a blogging friends site and I couldn't think of a more fitting tribute to my girlfriends.

Friends who have become more important to my heart than any I ever thought possible; my life would not be as rich and as full and as purposeful without them.

At this point in my life, what was once a constant is now only a distant memory and our new "normal" is nothing like I ever thought it would be. Sometimes, often, I long for the day when we were all SAHM's who lived close and met often. Back then, I couldn't wait for the babies to grow and leave us so we could finally have uninterrupted conversation. But when that happened...suddenly we were called on the leave as well; to take up other projects. There was a time when I took our time together for granted, believed that a Wednesday morning would always hold the reverence and awe and strict observance it did...but Wednesday mornings have become just another ordinary morning... I hate people who live in the "glory days." But today: guilty as charged.

This past summer, one of my sister-friends lost her grandma. Attending her funeral together caused us to think about our own mortality...and in true sister friend fashion, that got us laughing and then what followed was totally irreverent.

We pictured the five of us a pall bearers...I've written and rewritten what comes next, the description of all of us...one would be bossing everyone around, another complaining that the casket was too heavy, one of us would be late and have totally missed the funeral, one would be so loud that someone would probably call the cops for a noise disturbance, one would be so busy preaching to anyone who might listen that she'd wonder why in the world she had to do the work of carrying the casket...and of course, we pictured ourselves old and gray.

During the time I've been working on this post, there was a mom from a near by highschool who passed away at the age of 42. I thought twice about posting this, hoping you wouldn't see this as tacky and uncaring. However, I think this post is even more important in the wake of this recent tragedy....we need each other. In life and in death, in happy times and sad, when were SAHMs and when we are called to other jobs.

We need our girlfriends. Without them, who would keep us sane? Who would make us laugh, who would we cry with, who would understand us the way only a girlfriend can?

Almost Finished

2010-01-14T16:41:00.002-06:00

I'm getting to the end of the book I've been using for the past 3 months for my prayer/devotion time. This is always a bitter sweet time for me. Mostly, because by the time I get to the end of a book, I'm so familiar with a writer's thoughts that the last few chapters are almost always the most significant and challenging for me personally. However, because I've been with this writer for so long, the thought of getting to know someone else is daunting. And it's often a struggle to keep this "getting to know you" phase from tempting me to stay in bed.

However, I'm not done yet...just not looking forward to actually turning the page and finding the end. So, today I read about really understanding God and His intentions. This is a huge concept but today it's reduced to something really simple and incredibly convicting... I have a problem or a need or see someone in need....I pray and ask God about it... I get a glimpse of what I think God might be up to and then I fill in the blank and take the ball and run with it...never stopping to see or hear if this is really God's intention or simply mine. In my rush to "do" God's will I leave God behind. And only after I've "done" something do I take the time to consider if that was God's will. I tend to follow my "hunches" and then fast forward through to the end. I guess the way I watch TV is somewhat similar to the way I live my life.

Really listening for God and truly waiting to hear from Him takes patience and quietness. Not two of my strongest attributes. I'm learning that God doesn't always write me a letter but rather leaves me clues to follow and search out. And that taking the time to do the work is more fulfilling than filling in the blanks and pushing fast forward. I'm learning to listen...learning to ask, "God what do you want me to do here? What do you want me to see or hear? What do I need to repent of? What do I need to confront?"

I'm also really wondering about the effect of spiritual warfare in my life and in the world around me. I'm starting to learn to ask God what is going on, when I don't understand the way people are acting or don't understand why I'm feeling the way I do. I love this adventure of getting to know God and Jesus and the Bible....I love it when it seems as if the veil is lifted from my eyes and suddenly I'm given the opportunity to see things ...things that have always been around me but I never had eyes to see them. Life with Jesus is amazing... pursuing Jesus is thrilling... surrendering is freeing...

The book I've been reading is called Walking with God by John Eldredge He's been a good teacher, I know this because I'm able to walk with God more freely now than ever before. It's amazing how when you start to learn "how" it gets easier. I think someday I might write my own book about this, piecing together all the things I've learned from all the authors I've read. But for now, I'm looking for another spiritual teacher to guide me through my mornings...and as I've mentioned before, I'm not too fond of this process. ~Christine

I'm pissed!

2010-01-04T21:49:00.002-06:00

This is not a long thought out blog post...that will come soon I hope. But today I just need to be pissed because I'm again starting a weight loss and exercise program...and my foot is killing me. I've done EVERYTHING to heal this stupid foot and nothing works! I hate that this makes everything so difficult. I hate getting old! I hate that if I lost weight my foot probably wouldn't bother me so much but in order to lose weight I have to exercise...and my foot is "standing" in the way! I'm so pissed! I guess if a 400lb guy can run a marathon, I can do this...but really why does it have to be so frickin hard. So today, I'm so frustrated. I want this healthy body weight and I want to physically be healthy...but my foot...my dang foot!

My willingness to Endure

2009-12-29T08:09:00.006-06:00

If this makes no sense...just move on.

"My willingness to Endure."

It's the quality I think I like the most about myself, feel the most noble about--my willingness to Endure. And yet, I think it has become something other than noble, perhaps even something destructive.

There is little joy in my life when I'm living like this. There isn't much room for joy in Endure. I think there is a lot of unbelief behind Endure, like my conviction that no one else is going to come through, so I have to. It also feels like Samson's downfall--we find a quality or a strength that helps us get through life, and we make it our idol, put all our trust and hope in it. It's different for everybody, for some it's intelligence, or making people happy, for me it's Endure. But once we make this strength or quality our idol and turn to it for security, it becomes our blind spot--the thing we don't want anyone to look at or tamper with. Not even God...eventually, it becomes our ruin." Walking with God, John Eldredge

I didn't write that but I could have--I should have. Lately these thoughts have been lurking around my sub conscience, when I'm not too busy to think--that's probably why I like busy, and why I hate it.

Too many times I've asked and do ask loudly and boldly of others, "Why do I stay?"
I've boldly announced and preached that I'VE NOT BEEN "UNCALLED!" --my famous speech to the masses that will listen willingly and unwillingly. But now, I ask, have I ever asked God? Have I really searched and asked and fought with my "calling" lately? Or, do I wear the "called" sign on my chest so proudly that I don't even wonder if I still am? Would I be willing to even consider being "uncalled?"

Or, am I so hung up on my willingness to Endure, so defined by it, that I have been worshiping that instead of God? Ouch!

In truth, all my security and identity is wrapped into ENDURE NEW LIFE! but doesn't that just sound ridiculous?

I've been learning this for awhile now. This summer when RT Kendall said something like, "what was once righteousness can become sin" my heart ached because I knew there was truth in his statement.

Forgiveness was the first step--but not the last.

I still don't know if I CAN leave but my heart sure needs to have a holiness make over. I have been like the Pharisees in Matt 6, with my face somber and my clothes torn, parading my anger and self-righteousness for all to see and hear. It's disgusting...I wish I would just shut up!

A humble spirit, a contrite heart... a quiet mouth and a life of prayer.

You've taught me this lesson before-I heard you for awhile, I obeyed for awhile...then I chose to forget. I chose to indulge in anger and self-gratification. To be the martyr and to expose myself to others in the most indecent way--Forgive me Lord Jesus for placing myself on your throne.

A Holiness Make Over...what is that?

24 colors

2009-12-19T10:05:00.002-06:00

There are times in life where happiness can be as simple as 24 colors and a blank piece of paper. And in those times, life is the simplest and the best. It's 10 am, we are all still in our pj's, the coffee is hot and the kids are coloring Christmas pictures. Simple pleasures...

Christmas card it's not... I have black circles under my eyes because I didn't take off my eye make up last night, there are toys all over the floor and last nights dinner dishes are still lurking in the sink.

And yet, everything about this morning is the best. I've even rented a crazy old movie about dial up internet and the birth of email...any guesses? I love this movie!

24 colors...what does that mean to you? My 24 colors come in many shapes:
1. A good cheap glass of wine.
2. New PJ's
3. Sleeping past 6:30am
4. Spicy Doritos
5. A great candle
6. Free Shipping
7. Fresh smelling laundry
8. Moving up on the Bejeweled leader board
9. Laughing like a hyena with good friends
10. Snow falling
11. A good book
12. A long hot shower
13. Diet Coke
14. Warm socks
15. A good joke on the radio
16. All green lights on LaGrange
17. A good neck crack
18. Long hot shower
19. Christmas tree lights
20. "What'd I get in my Happy Meal" excitement
21. dancing in the kitchen
22. sun in December
23. Preschooler Christmas programs
24. A good sneeze

24 colors...they change, sometimes they melt and get stuck in the carpet...but I'm glad that life can be reduced to 24 colors sometimes...sometimes I need it!

Being who you were created to be

2009-12-15T08:43:00.002-06:00

I just finished the most exhausting weekend of the year. I'm sore, tired, spent and so thankful to have had the opportunity to stretch myself to limits I didn't think possible.

A few years ago, after a long, hurtful and discouraging fight I was placed in a role at our church that has turned out to be a true source of joy for me. I was, by omission, made the director of our choir program. Even though I wasn't a music teacher, didn't have a degree, didn't play the piano and had never really done this job before, God decided that I should take on this responsibility. I had no idea what I was doing except that I had sung in many choirs. I didn't know how to find music, how to run a practice, how to really read music or anything else that goes along with this job...but none of that mattered. In order to take this job, I had to give up the one thing I thought made me the happiest in the world; I had to give up singing. I exchanged singing for silence, being in front of an audience to turning my back on them, something I knew well for something I knew nothing about. None of it made sense and if conventional wisdom would have prevailed I simply would have said, "no." But, I didn't. I took the job.

I struggled through it, I still struggle through it...but the choir was gracious and encouraging. They continued to show up, they continued to work, they continued to trust me even when I didn't trust myself. They followed where ever I led them; although I have no idea why. The choir pitched in, they gave their ideas, they helped me and they helped each other. If I think about it, we all had been hurt, we were all licking our wounds, we were all gun shy, but together we kept our eyes on the Lord and continued to do what we loved, worship him in the only way we knew how, through music.

And now here I am, at the end of the most exhausting weekend of the year. Looking back on a wonderful weekend of services filled with great, difficult, Christmas music. Together we praised the Lord the best we knew how... I praised the Lord the best I knew how... and I wasn't singing... I wasn't making a single sound. I was directing a group of dedicated brothers and sisters, encouraging them to do their best, banging out a rhythm that helped them stay together. This has me speechless. I love this job more than any other... Thank you Father, for creating in me a love for something I knew nothing about. Thank you Father, for having faith in me and not letting me take the easy way out. I heard the angels singing... I did...but I didn't expect it... Shocking!

It's the best day ever!!!

2009-11-06T14:25:00.003-06:00

This is neither deep nor philosophical however, I need to write it down to preserve it! I just went to Jewel, bought a mix of items that were on sale and that I had coupons for...in the end the total came out to $45.04 cents, I gave my coupons and it took my total down to $35.64 and then I handed over $35 in Catalina coupons to make my grand total $.64 and then she handed me $30 more in Catalina coupons!!!!!! My heart was beating so fast, I felt like I had just stepped off a roller coaster! I got in the car, closed the door and screamed! Now, it sort of feels like I'm drunk...I simply can't believe this!!! I hope it lasts!!!

I wanna make some noise.

2009-10-17T09:07:00.004-05:00

It's been a long time since I've sat in front of a blank computer screen and wondered what thoughts I should type out. It's remarkable to me that a few years ago I felt compelled every morning to sit here and share my day or struggles or random thoughts. I saw this morning that one of the children of the blogs was now almost two years old and it shocked me when I had the thought, I remember when she was born! That is a a sign of these computer driven times I think. I think it's strange that I have "friends" all over the country whom I have never met but with who I can celebrate milestones such as births and first days of schools and home purchases.

I have had times when I've fought with my web friends and it's ruined my day, times when a baby is born and I've rejoiced and days when all is silent and I've lamented that I felt cut off from this web of friends that has amassed on the right hand side of my blog. And now this group of ladies has grown apart. It wasn't an event that made this happen or a decision that had been reached just the gradual ebb and flow of life that exists and suddenly what had been the bedrock of my days is no longer and what was once a buzzing interpersonal internet connection is silent.

The sad part of this post is that, not only have my web friend connections been fractured but my "local" friendships seem to have fallen silent too. This is hard. I feel cut off from the source of life that had once been so important to me. Again, there was no event, no fight, no decision that has created this silence. Just a series of life events that have combined to create this hole.

The thing about life is that it never stands still...never stays the same. I know that is not a deep or original thought however, it is a pressing truth that can be a lifesaver or a disappointment. There have definitely been times in my life where I've chanted the mantra, "It will not always be this way. It won't stay this way forever." That chorus has sustained me through many doctor appointments, fights, check book balancing marathons, childbirth even.

However, when this truth of life disassembles relationships and good times... well... I've said good bye to many friends, watched my babies grow into awkward prepubescents, bid farewell to sister-friends as they march off to work and even watched helplessly as relationships that are important fall away and become anemic shadows of what they once were.

And, I wonder why...how...when... Why does it feel like this, how did this happen, when did we stop? Even though this is a pattern that is inevitable, even though this is a truth of life...it still catches me by surprise... it utterly shocks me to be honest.

Again, I come back to things will not stay the same for long... They won't. But it's sad to say good-bye. I guess that's why there are so many songs, movies, TV shows and books about the "glory days." We all have some common experience to long for simpler times, happier times, fuller times than what is right now.

I wonder, do we know we are living the glory days when we are in them...or do they only look glorious once they are gone. Once we photoshop our memories and airbrush our disagreements?

One thing I do know is that it is "quiet" at home right now. Seriously, it's not quiet in my house right now...I only wish... but it is quiet in my heart. And I'm not sure I like it. I know I don't like it. But, I'm not sure how to change it...do I try to resurrect what once was? I'm pretty convinced that doesn't work... So then what? I guess that is the proverbial question... What's next? I'm not willing to leave all those relationships behind but the problem is that lately I haven't been willing to be engaged in those relationships unless they looked exactly like they once did...and I guess that's my sticking point. In order to move forward, we have to change, we have to move, we have to adapt. And until we do...well...I guess there's just more quiet to look forward to?

I wanna make some noise...I just have to figure out how?

1 Timothy Study--work in progress

2009-07-11T11:30:00.001-05:00

I'm starting to write a study of 1 Timothy and how to do ministry in team and handle conflict. I've just begun to put some thoughts down...this is post is mostly for me to see what I've written...sorry if I've bored anyone.

I Timothy Study

So Timothy is a young man—a “son in the faith” to Paul- but Paul clearly states that he left Timothy in Ephesus to
“command men not to teach false doctrine any longer”
A statement that infers that these “men” have been at this teaching a long time and that they are significantly older and more established than this “son of faith” He is not only young but new to the appointment as Paul has now left and Timothy is now alone. The next line “these promote controversies instead of faith” Yeah! Conflict, this church in Ephesus is a church in conflict…endless conflict. Let’s look back at Ephesians to get a picture of what the church was like.

Eph 1:15 they have sincere faith in the Lord, which has caught Paul’s eye. But Paul right off the bat asks God to give them the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, to be enlightened and asks for them to know about God’s “great power,” power so great it raised Jesus from the dead. That’s a lot of power….it’s not a trowel, a shovel…it’s a earth mover. Later on in the book, Paul prays that the Ephesians would have (17) Christ may dewell in your hearts through faith…that they will be rooted and established in love to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. This is the book of the Bible where we get this powerful and well known verse, “20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurabley more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” a great verse…but truly what was happening in Ephesus?

The next chapter goes on to talk about “Unity in the body.” 25…put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all one body. The whole book deserves a read…this is a church full of controversy and anger and malicious talk. It is a church body that is limping and falling and turning on itself. A church that needs to learn how to speak to eachother, how to love each other, how to submit to each other and how to “stand firm” against the devils schemes together.

Back to Timothy…My heart goes out to Timothy—he has been placed squarly in the established and well worn lion’s den. You have to picture this poor “man-child” and see what he must have been thinking about his present calling.

“Really? This is what ministry is suppose to be? This is not what I signed up for! Who am I that I should have anything to say to the ‘leaders’ of this church…who have been at this for so long…and yet are so obviously wrong!

And why me? Am I the only one who ‘sees’ this? Paul was here and he couldn’t teach them…what do you think I can do about it Lord? “

Conflict Quotes

2009-06-19T08:39:00.002-05:00

"Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it...that factor is attitude." William James

"Stay focused on solutions and communication. Admit when your wrong, but stand your ground when you are right."

"Sometimes we have to stand alone for an extended time. Other times the mere act of our standing for what we believe in brings others with us, and we are no longer alone. Either way, conflict can serve to illuminate truth or illuminate differences. In any event, it doesn't have to be feared" ~Tony Dungy

When "team" gets it right

2009-06-19T08:17:00.003-05:00

There is an elusive dream that seems to be present in my church of doing ministry in "team." We talk about it all the time, we have read books about it, watched presentations about it even paid big money and gone to conferences hoping to learn how to achieve this pinnacle of togetherness. Yet, we seem to fail time and time again. Always falling to the persistent press of egos and agendas. I've come to wonder if this icon called "team ministry" really can or does exist anywhere; and why does it seem impossible for us to achieve. Is this a problem that is unique to our church congregation or is this a problem at other places as well.

We hold this "team" concept as a high value and I would guess that if we were to take a survey amongst our leadership both staff and volunteer...we would see that "team" would be in the top five of our goals. My suspicion is that we often use the word team to conceal the hurt we have when groups don't measure up to our expectations and we secretly think that by using the word team all of the difficulties of working together should just fade away. If we were getting 'team' right, then the machine would work the way it was suppose to with no hang-ups, hurts or conflicts.

There are many examples around of "teams" that get it right--sports teams that go all the way to the big game time and time again. Ministry teams whose churches exceed anybody's wildest plan. Businesses that continue to produce new and innovative products and have employees that seem happy in their positions. It seems that success is always tied to the concept of "team"; that success and joy seem to go hand in hand with people working together.

One pressing question I have is what happens when conflict arises on these teams. I have a hard time believing that everyone is happy all the time. That people don't hold opposing views. But how do these groups of people communicate their differences without sacrificing some of it's members? How do these teams recover from failure or hurt feelings; how to they protect themselves from agenda's and egos and power grabbing? How do they continue even after everything hasn't gone the way they thought it should? What is the secret? Is it worth it?

above is a book/bible study I am working on...any comments would be appreciated...no editing has taken place yet, so please be gracious

Thoughts about friendship from the land of blog

2009-03-29T16:34:00.002-05:00

I did not write this although I wish I had. I just read this on someone's blog and thought it was great.

5 things I have learned about friendship

1) Health finds its level: If you are unhealthy and insecure in yourself, you will naturally attract people who are the same. Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” If two unhealthy people wallow in their struggles together, they might feel like they are supporting one another for awhile. It often turns into an up and down roller coaster. Sometimes loneliness helps up put things in perspective: God is our ultimate source of comfort and guidance and sometimes we need to “get healthy” in order to be a friend.

2) If you are in a one-sided friendship, it is not a friendship, it’s a ministry: I heard this at the MOPS meeting two years ago and it hit me over the head. I came back to the Proverbs verse. There are two irons are sharpening one another. Each is receiving while each one is giving. The speaker said we have to make a decision whether we want to continue this one sided friendship knowing it might stay this way forever. Can we handle it? Do we have time for it? Will our spouse or family members suffer as a result of our commitment to this person?

3) There are always two sides to every single story: I learned this one the hard way about four to five years ago when two people I respected were in conflict with one another. I felt pressured to take one side over the other. When conflict occurs, both sides have contributed in some way. We have all been around people who have nothing good to say about their friend, their family member, their in-law, etc. Proverbs 16:28 says it is best: A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.

4) The right thing to do is often the hardest: Admitting your faults, apologizing, owning up to wrongdoings, and sacrifice do not come naturally. It is easier to lie, backstab, attack, be passive/aggressive, gossip, pretend like nothing happened, be condescending, blame, dig up the past, argue, withdraw, and hold a grudge. This is one of my favorite verses: For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ - Galatians 1:10. It does not mean we need to stop caring about others and only focus on God. It means that we live to please God. Through coming to know God and seeking to please Him, he gives us the love and grace so we can love others. There is a tremendous amount of freedom in that. I do not have to try to be someone I am not or work tremendously hard so someone approves of me.

5) It is OK to let go and sometimes even neccessary: If a friendship is not bearing fruit, what is the purpose? If it is one sided, what is the point? If the person is only out for their own needs, what role are you playing? Obviously if you are being disrespected, why are you holding on? It's not the greatest movie when it comes to relationships but I love it in Jerry Maguire when Dorothy Boyd says, "Maybe relationships don't have to be so much work." If there is a lot drama, confrontations, arguing, false accusations, and physco babble, maybe it is time to move on or at least take a break.

Uncommon

2009-03-26T09:40:00.003-05:00

I'm reading the book Uncommon by Tony Dungy...I know it's a book for men...I mean I know that now. I had heard so many people talk about it on the radio that I ordered it from Amazon. It was only after it came that I realized it was written for guys...but why should that stop me? I'm very impressed with this book so far. Have you ever read a book that just resonates with the way that you think and believe? I wanted to write out some of the "keys for developing your core" not only to share with the WWW but also remember them myself.

1. Remember that what you do when no one is watching matters.
2. The means matter as much as the ends, if not more.
3. Hang in there. Character is revealed through adversity.
4. Often we grow as much through the little things as we do through the big ones.
5. Truth is critical. Being truthful is too.
6. Don't rationalize your way around honesty.
7. Don't blow your own horn.
8. Don't be falsely modest; you have amazing gifts. Just recognize that others do too.
9. You are important, but not indispensable. The same goes for others. See yourself as a significant part of the process.
10. Be careful what you do with your resources, gifts, time and talents. You've been entrusted with them.
11. Some of the most rewarding times in life are when you have to stand alone, even if you are uncomfortable doing so.
12. Life is hard. Courage is essential.
13. Never give up. Never.

I'm especially challenged by 2 & 6... I think so often I can rationalize my way around honesty but I don't think I've ever really thought about it. So often I preserve the peace at all costs but then I need to realize and own that the means matter as much as the ends. This is a roadmap for life. I love it...but I am challenged by it. I hope to someday be able to own this list as one that I follow without exception.

My famous husband

2009-03-21T20:17:00.001-05:00

http://www.morrisdailyherald.com/articles/2009/03/21/neighbors/252djoleasterseals.txt

First uncompleted draft...purpose or position

2009-03-01T21:35:00.004-06:00

Ok, so you have been asking what I've been thinking and writing about lately...well, this isn't finished, it's dry, it's long and it's incomplete...but I'm posting it cause you've been bugging me Laura!

There are times in life when we are forced to evaluate where we are, where we've been and where we are going. I am fascinated by motivation and why people make the choices they make; why I make the choices I make. Sometimes it's driven by a sense of purpose, sometimes it's driven by a sense of security, sometimes it's driven by what comes the easiest. It seems as if what drives a person's choices is unlimited however, I believe it really falls into two categories: Purpose or Position.

We start a project or a goal or a life choice rooted and clearly focused; excited by purpose and firmly plant our feet where we believe we should be. But like standing at the edge of the ocean while the tide changes, we can suddenly be surprised when we finally look down and realize our feet don't align with where they had originally been planted. The tide has either passed us up and we see our feet covered in sand and water and find ourselves standing knee deep in water surrounded by no one or the tide has gone out and we are left standing in the sand pretending we are still in the ocean.

Often our original starting point, our original motivation does not stay the same. So many times we find ourselves months or years or even decades into a life choice only to look back and realize that we are no longer on the same path we set out on. Something has changed, the road took a turn or our direction has subtly yet drastically changed. Somewhere in the work of it all, in the day to day decisions, in the small crisis' that demand our attention, in the monotony we will discover that we have swapped our original intent with something different. Although this swap was intended, it wasn't a stated goal or a set of prescribed steps; it was a gradual, slow, seemingly innocent series of choices that have resulted in our taking control of our own lives.

Now, taking control of our own lives seems like a lofty and well intentioned goal. Certainly Oprah and the current pop psychologist of the day would overwhelmingly approve of taking destiny into our own hands. Everywhere you turn you are told loudly or subtly that you are the keeper of your fortune, that you make are the only one who can make things happen in your own life. It is easy to buy into this philosophy because we love to control things. According to The Secret, if you don’t want “it” you don’t get “it” however, by believing hard enough “it” it will happen for you. This belief will grant you fortune, relationship, power or position. In this vein of thinking, everything is controlled by you for the good or the bad. At first glance it is incredibly attractive but deeper study will reveal that you are the keeper of your position and if your position is horrible then you are horrible.

As Christians, we openly reject books like The Secret. We laugh at the ideas presented and deem ourselves above such philosophy…more enlightened and protected from such ideas. It is my argument that this type of thinking can and does slowly grow into our seemingly iron clad Christianity and if we are not intentional about weeding it out it will overshadow our belief in God’s will for our lives until we have been overtaken by our own will for our lives while we shun God’s will. Again, it is intentional but it is not overt: the danger of this philosophy is it’s subtlety.

When does this happen? I believe it happens when we exchange position for purpose. We believe that God the Father places calls on our lives. As Christians, we seek to know His will for us. We spend many hours in prayer and conversation with others searching out where He wants us to be. We hear calls from God. We follow those calls to places we would not ordinarily go. We believe in his Sovereignty and in his personal involvement in our lives; like Moses who followed God’s call into Egypt or David who took his position of King, like John the Baptist who baptized those in the spirit, or Jesus who died on the cross.

Words on the Wall

2009-01-26T15:02:00.002-06:00

I think that's what Jana calls it?

Wesley: "Mom, I want to go to Disney tomorrow."
Me: "We aren't going until it's warm out honey."
Wesley: "You need to ask God to make it warm."
Me: "It doesn't work like that honey."
Wesley: "Yes, it does Mommy...you can talk to God in your head...just ask him to make it warm outside tomorrow...that's all."

Life at the end of your rope

2009-01-13T09:40:00.002-06:00

This morning I read this:

"Jesus seemed to think backward about everything. "You are blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." Every New Testament writer echoes Jesus' words. All of them tell us that we can rejoice in our most difficult moments because Jesus will be working things out in those seasons that we would never let him touch when all is well. He didn't tell us to rejoice for the bad times, but in them because he would convert our pain into his glory. The truth is we only grow in trust at moments of extremity. If we can do it ourselves, we will! If we're sure we can fix things we won't listen for him. If we have enough money, time, energy, talent--or know others who do--we'll try that first.

If our freedom to trust God hinges on our ability to get everything right then we are back to trusting ourselves."

Something to think about today...

Taken from "He Loves Me! Learning to live in the Father's Affection" by Wayne Jacobsen pg 168

The great Rolando and Governor BloJ

2009-01-12T16:51:00.002-06:00

This is my home state...I'm so proud! It gives and it keeps on giving!

Civic Literacy Test

2009-01-09T11:46:00.002-06:00

This is just for fun. I posted it mostly for Jen cause I know she loves history, government and politics more than I do... I scored a 78.79% tell me how you did.

http://www.americancivicliteracy.org/resources/quiz.aspx

Quote that has me thinking...

2009-01-06T08:40:00.003-06:00

"I learned a lot that night. For example, that part of being the magician's assistant means coming face-to-face with illusion. That invisibility is really just knotting your body in a certain way and letting the black curtain fall over you. That people don't vanish into thin air; that when you can't find someone, it's because you've been misdirected to look elsewhere."

Taken from "Vanishing Acts" by Jodi Picoult

Love the One You're With Woman's Retreat

2009-01-02T21:14:00.003-06:00

I'd love for you to join us!

http://www.writerrae.com/feb_retreat.html

Merry Christmas...from the family

2008-12-28T20:45:00.003-06:00

This is one of the many videos I took at my mom and dad's house. We were trying to get a good still photo of the grandkids and mom and dad. Well, then we got this...it's a Pruim thing. I don't see this kind of thing happening at the Bierma Christmas...but I'll have the video camera with in case it does...we celebrate with them on New Years Day.

Oh, and then there was this...my brother's way of getting the kids to smile.

Back row: Emily, Christian, Sarah, Liz
Front Row: Bryan, Jed, Wesley

What happened to my little boy?

2008-12-18T09:51:00.004-06:00

ONE YEAR LATER:

I'M IN SHOCK!

My Two Super Stars

2008-12-16T20:08:00.007-06:00

Last weekend we had the Kingdom Kids Christmas program at church. My little Jed was Slim the Southern Angel, he's the one in the cowboy hat. He had some great lines which he delivered all in a Chicago-Southern accent. He had some of the greatest lines in the program including, "Well, tie me to an ant hill and smear my ears with jam...we made it!" And, "This was more fun than a barrel full of rodeo clowns." However, he has no idea what a rodeo is and so we took 6 weeks trying to convince him it was pronounced rodeo but he was having none of it and very consistently said "ro-Ne-O" it was great!

Emily had the only solo in the play. She was amazing! Now, I might be a tad bit biased but she has a beautiful voice and amazing stage presence. She was born for the stage and loves every minute of it.

This clip has a little bit of both of them...thanks for watching my little stars, my sweeties, I couldn't be prouder!

It's raining Coach, Hallelujah!

2008-12-01T21:36:00.003-06:00

I've had the best day ever cause I got a DEAL!!!!! I was recently put in charge of buying the gifts for the women who work in our office Nurses; receptionists, office managers etc. For the last two years I received a 25% off coupon from Coach in December and I thought it would be great to get the wristlets for the girls. However, no coupon came. In my quest for a coupon I was talking to my girlfriend who suggested that I go into the store and talk to the manager there. Well, I never would have thought of that, but I did it. And it worked! At first they gave me the run around...the old, "you may not even get the coupon" then there was the "you could buy these and then return them when or if you get the coupon" Whatever! Finally, after talking forever, the manager came up front and then the real work began. She said she thought that if I bought enough, the discount would automatically kick in...awesome I thought....I'm buying 25 items...however I guess $1300 wasn't enough cause she told me if I only spent $2000 dollars then I'd get the discount...again, Whatever! That was not working for me...so I told her if we could only get the discount, I could place my order right now! (Side note: If you buy more than 3 of the same items at Coach they have to approve you...weird....you have to give them the reason and the company you are ordering for in order for them to assure them you are not going to sell them on ebay.) So the manager disappeared for 10 minutes and then came back and said that miraculously the company was going to give me the discount! Whoo Hoo! I ordered 28 wristlets...one for me, of course...and saved close to $300!!!!!!! AWESOME!! It's been a good day!

In honor Thanksgivning

2008-11-26T07:38:00.003-06:00

In honor of the holiday, I thought I share my favorite holiday recipe. Although not appreciated by all of my family, sans two, everybody else loves this one. I look forward to making it each year and only once a year because it's so rich, I could never justify it on any old Monday. If you make it enjoy but beware of the marshmallow backlash!

Christine's Favorite Sweet Potato Bake

3 cups cold mashed sweet potatoes-1 large can
1 c sugar
1/2 c milk
1/4 butter
3 eggs
1t salt
1t vanilla
1t cinnamon
Topping:
1/2 c packed brown sugar
1/2 c chopped pecans
1/4 c flour
2 T butter

Mix together the first 8 ingredients, put into greased 2 qt baking dish or 9X13. Combine topping ingredients, cut in butter, sprinkle over potatoes. Bake 325 for 50 minutes or more until golden brown. Serves 10-12 people. Enjoy!

Italian Barbecue Sammies

2008-11-22T07:32:00.002-06:00

This post is in participation with The Grocery Cart Challenge Recipe Swap.

A big thanks to Rachel Ray for this wonderful recipe...I love her! This is an easy Sunday football meal or a great one to put together when you have the itch for take-out but not the budget.

1 T EVOO
1 bottle of your favorite Barbecue sauce
6 T butter melted
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 pkg of steak buns--the big hoagie type
1 large strip steak or several small ones
8 slices of Provolone-melts soooo nice!

Melt the butter and add garlic. Spread butter onto open faced buns and put under broiler for 15 minutes until golden brown. Meanwhile cook strip steak with a little salt & pepper and EVOO on stove...until med rare(don't worry if you don't like rare meat because this will cook further under the broiler) Let meat rest 5 minutes before you slice THINLY against the grain. Put healthy squirt of Barbecue sauce on buns, layer with meat and top with cheese. Put back under the broiler until the cheese is gooey and melted. Serve open-faced.

Best Ideas of the Week

2008-11-20T09:39:00.002-06:00

1. Crock pot oatmeal
2 apples chopped
1/3 C Brown Sugar
1 t cinnamon
2 C Old Fashioned Oats
4 C water
1 pinch salt

Let cook all night and enjoy with walnuts mixed in if you like. EVERYONE in my house liked this....Amazing!

2. Sock basket in the kitchen
I have an ongoing war with socks at my house. I can never find them when I need them and yet they are always all over my house. Plus my boys seem to think of socks and shoes at the very last moment when getting ready in the morning. I've fought this battle for years...this year I got out of the box. We now keep our(the kids) socks in the kitchen in a basket....I wish it were always full..but I'm getting better at it. It has taken a lot of stress out of my morning...I love it!

3. The grocery cart challenge blog This is a fantastic blog about a super mom who is homeschooling 4 kids and keeping her grocery bill below $100 a week! Amazing. Although I don't aspire to do this...she does have a feature on Thursdays called Recipe Swap, where tons of women link to their favorite recipes. This week I looked at all the links that I thought we would like, cut and pasted the recipes into a word document called Menu, cut and pasted the ingredients into a Word document called grocery list. Printed the list, went grocery shopping and now keep my laptop in my kitchen for dinner time. It's inspired! This simple task has helped me reduce the stress of mealtime immensely and helped me appear like Bree VandeKamp at dinner time....sans the apron.

The best book I've read...3 times

2008-11-15T18:48:00.004-06:00

I've been reading/studying this book for the past 6 months, first alone, now with my sista-friends and my small group. Each time I go through it I feel like I learn something new. Mostly, because the first time I read through this simple book I was quite sure that although I understood the words, the truths were evading me. It's a book that has shaken the foundation of my faith yet, has not contradicted a single belief I hold.

Lately, I've been reading about "The Tyranny of the Favor Line" The invisible line that tells us whether or not we've met enough of someone's expectations to merit their approval. And how, most of our lives we live knowing that this favor line exists in our relationships with other people...and how we assume that God has a favor line as well. The problem is that we never know where it lies. When everything is pleasant we don't think about the favor line much but when things start to encroach on our lives we begin to wonder how God feels about us. Does He love me? Have I offended Him?

One of the questions the author asks is, "How many of you think you pray enough? Read the Bible enough?" How much is "enough?" The tyranny of the favor line is unrelenting because it never allows us to be certain about how God feels about us. And when we are trying to compensate God for his mercy eventually we become aware that our efforts are futile because it's impossible and it leaves us guessing whether he loves me or he loves me not.

I'd love to write out the entire book but I will leave you with one of thoughts that have consumed me for the last few days, "The key to God's favor doesn't rest on what I give to God but what he has already given to me."

Let me encourage you to order this book off of Amazon and use it for your daily study. It's wonderfully challenging...and will open your eyes to discover a Savior you've never known before but who was always there. It's a great read...if anyone's looking for one.

2008-11-06T14:33:00.002-06:00

Yes, I have four children. No, I don't have pictures of all of them. Doug and I went away for the weekend and I didn't get to trick-or-treat with the kids or take their pictures. But yes, don't worry I still have four kids.

This is at Wesley's preschool. They allowed us to stay and take pictures but I thought the way they did it was strange. They had us stay for the first 20 minutes of class and then leave. Well, the poor little three year olds were all in tears...I thought it would have made a lot more sense to have the moms come 20 minutes early...less tears that way!

I had a good time taking pictures of Emily. She was dressed for her first boy-girl party the day before Halloween. The sunlight was just perfect that day so I dragged her all over the house and outside...much to her dismay! But I think they turned out great!

Flight of the Conchords- Business Time

2008-10-18T08:10:00.001-05:00

An excercise in perspective

2008-10-17T14:48:00.004-05:00

Here is a excerpt from my journal...if you don't want to read ramblings then click on the SNL link below instead.

Yesterday sermon title was "Transforming your life through prayer." Tim was the pastor, Sheila and I had been assigned to plan because Anthony was gone.

We had the idea to turn the service upside down and what really happened is God turned NL right side up!

As people walked into the auditorium I could see they were skeptical. Consumers of church, as we are so often, not wanting more than they expected. But God was mighty through Tim yesterday and had anointed him with words of power and from where I sat, on a stool on the stage, I could see the congregation open up and start to talk to God.

We opened with a drama called, "The Lord's Prayer" which explored what a conversation with God would sound like if He audibly responded to the prayer. We followed with corporate prayer and then group prayers. The small group prayer was a risk because it is an exercise we don't use in worship...ever. I really thought that there would be open rebellion but people did it. I thought we wouldn't hear them but we did. And when Tim started to pray as a sign of the end the congregation continued to pray getting louder...only stopping when they were done. I was amazed.

We had a time of individual/family unit prayer while I sang the song, "I Surrender." Tim instructed us to think of the one thing that we needed God to take care of...the one thing that was weighing on the family or individuals heart and take that one thing to the throne of God. As I sang I had the privilege of seeing families praying together in each other's arms. Mothers, fathers, small children and teen-agers talking to God, together. Singing to each other and wiping one another's tears...communicating with God and with each other.

We ended with the song, "Holy God" --a song that I think has such power to move our hearts to God and yesterday that time was full of the Holy Spirit. From my stool on stage, I saw God painting colors of power and love across the auditorium. I literally saw His power filling our members with his love...and the picture of un-abandoned worship was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed in 20 plus years of worship leading.

I think the difference in yesterday's worship from any other service was perspective. So often, we come to church to receive, to hear, to be entrusted, to be moved, preached to, or challenged...but yesterday we had to be involved. We had to give of ourselves and in return, we received more than ever before. I think that being at consumers at church may be the most lonely and dangerous role for us to play.

Laugh Out Loud Funny

2008-10-14T22:08:00.001-05:00

Here is the skit that was aired on SNL, was posted on YouTube and then yanked for an unknown reason. It is laugh out loud funny! Be sure to read the sub-titles. Click here to watch...it's as good as it gets.

Burning Down The House: What Caused Our Economic Crisis?

2008-10-09T08:34:00.001-05:00

I wondered why the video was suddenly gone? Now I know.

The Housing And Financial Crisis - We Are On The Edge Of Economic Collapse Because Of Government Social Engineering

2008-10-04T08:29:00.001-05:00

Thanks to my friend Rachel for showing me this incredible explanation of what has been happening in our country.

What can we be sure of?

2008-09-27T18:09:00.001-05:00

It seems as if so much is uncertain in this world right now: the economy, the presidential race, the environment. Turn your computer, tune into your radio, watch TV or read the latest headlines and it is difficult to be certain of anything. It is easy to be afraid of the unknown and fear the future.

In times when anxiety starts to get the better of you, go to the scriptures and search out the truth of God's character and His faithfulness. So many times in both the Old Testament and the New Testament the Bible shows us the hope that believers have for the future. One of the most incredibly powerful things the Isralites did as they wandered through the desert was to recount the story of God's faithfulness to them. Each time they were in a place of uncertainty God would come to them and tell them, "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt." (Exodus 20) Over and over in the Old Testament God would remind the Israelites that he was the God of their forefathers and that He had always been with them.

In the New Testament Jesus promised that even though He was going to heaven he would leave us the Holy Spirit. "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father wills send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:26-27

As Christians, we have the confidence that all things are in God's hands. That He is is the master, creator and ruler of the universe. We have the confidence that nothing that happens in this world is out of his control or surprises Him. Romans 8 clearly tells us, "If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all...Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

So, as we watch the Dow rise and fall, listen to the latest poll data or wonder what bank will close it's doors next week, as uncertainty seems to swirl around us we can be certain that God is in control and that we are His. Get into the Word...all His promises are there just waiting to comfort your heart and fill you with the Spirit and truth.

Walking along the road

2008-09-16T16:54:00.004-05:00

I'm a new contributing writer to our church blog. Here's my first entry.

By now the children have been back in school for a couple of weeks and hopefully the art of schedule is becoming a routine. In this time of adjustment from summer to school year we can find encouragement and instruction from the Old Testament.
Deuteronomy 6: 4-7 says:

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Our job as parents is to submerge our children in an environment that teaches, exhibits and explores a relationship with God. According to this scripture, every moment of the day should reflect God's love and His Truth. It's a journey that we do together with our kids. We are not called to know everything or have it all together but we are called communicate with our kids and to explore God's character, His commands, His love and His creation. It's a lesson we can do with our kids...learning together. The best part, is that if we follow these instructions, we will be creating a relationship with our children where we know each other and together we know God. It creates a family environment that is built on trust, understanding and most importantly God's love.

Timothy Ferriss - How to Peel Hard-boiled Eggs w/o Peeling

2008-09-15T10:53:00.001-05:00

J Mac - A Hoop Dream

2008-09-12T12:17:00.001-05:00

From my sister-friend in AK

2008-09-08T21:41:00.001-05:00

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Living in Alaska, For Better or Worse

Cons
1) It's now official: This has been one of the coldest summers on record. Only 2 days hit above 70 degrees.
2) The leaves are now turning color and yesterday morning we awoke to a chilly 40 degrees. Fall has arrived.
3) We usually have snow by Halloween.
4) Rising gas prices have forced airline prices up. Way up. Cost of one ticket to Colorado over Christmas: $1200

Pros
1) $2,069 Permanent Fund Dividend (largest ever) + $1,200 energy rebate check = $3,269 in free money from the government. I'll do the rest of the math for you. Family of five: $16,345.00 deposited into our bank account next week. Windfall.
2) National attention over a little known governor from a small town in Alaska (could be considered a pro or con, I guess)
3) Did I mention the free money?

So, what would you do with $16,000??

I think I might want to move to Alaska!

A quick look at what's in front of us

2008-09-02T10:17:00.003-05:00

palin vs. obama - a side by side comparison
Published Aug. 31, 2008

Office being sought -

Palen-Vice President

Obama-President of the United States and Leader of the Free World

Full name

Sarah Louise Heath Palin

Barack Hussein Obama II

Nickname

Sarah Barracuda

Barry Obama; "The One"

Public opinion

Palin - Smoking hot in a "naughty librarian" sort of way

Obama - May be The Messiah

Age

Palin-44

Obama-48

Children

Palin-5: two sons, three daughters

Obama-2: two daughters

Religion/Church attendance

Palin-Evangelical Christian;attends Juneau Christian Center when in Juneau and grew up attending Wasilla Assembly of God

Obama-Attended Trinity United Church of Christ for 20 years, a "black liberation theology" church formerly led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright and governed according to the Black Value System

Current Job

Palin-Governor of Alaska

Obama-Junior Senator from Illinois

Previous Public Jobs

Palin-Mayor of Wasilla, AK (1996-2002); President of Alaska Conference of Mayors; City Council member (1992-1996)

Obama-State Senator (1997-2004); Community Organizer

Executive Experience
Palin-Governor for 2 years; Mayor for 10 years

Obama-None

Foreign Relations experience

Palin-Governor of state that borders two foreign countries (Canada and Russia)

Obama-Chaired Senate subcommittee on Europe but never called it into session;once gave a speech to 200,000 screaming Germans
Military Affairs experience

Palin-Commander in Chief of Alaska National Guard;Son is enlisted Infantryman in U.S. Army

Obama-None

Private Sector Experience

Palin-Sports reporter;Salmon fisherman

Obama-Associate at civil rights law firm

Spouse's name

Palin-Todd Mitchell Palin

Obama-Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama

Spouse's occupation

Palin-Salmon fisherman; Former North Slope production supervisor for BP Oil

Obama-Vice President for Community and External Affairs at University of Chicago Hospitals;former Associate Dean of Student Services at the University of Chicago;former Executive Director for the Chicago office of Public Allies;former Assistant to the Mayor of Chicago;former associate at Sidley Austin law firm

Reaction to spouse's political success

Palin-Quit 17-year BP oil job when BP became involved in natural gas pipeline negotiations with wife's administration

Obama-Promoted and given 160% pay raise by UofC hospitals within months of husband's election to U.S. Senate;Employer received $1,000,000.00 federal earmark, requested by husband, after her promotion
Coolest thing about Spouse

Most Courageous Moment in Public Service

Palin-Resigned in protest from position of Ethics Commissioner of Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission in order to expose legal violations and conflicts of interest of Alaska Republican leaders, including the former state Attorney General and the State GOP Chairman (who was also an Oil & Gas Commissioner), who was doing work for the party on public time and supplying a lobbyist with a sensitive e-mail.

Obama-Gave an anti-Iraq war speech to a crowd of anti-Iraq war demonstrators in Hyde Park in 2002

In Current Office Because...

Palin-Upset sitting Governor in GOP primary due to public support for her efforts to clean up corrupt government establishment

Obama-Republican opponent, who was leading in the polls, was forced to leave race after unsealing of divorce records exposed a sex scandal

Theme:

Palin-Change and Clean Government

Obama-Hope and Change; "Bringing Change from Outside Washington"
What they've done to live that theme:

Palin-Replaced entire Board of Agriculture and Conservation because of conflict of interest;Resigned from position of Ethics Commissioner of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission in order to expose corruption among members of own party

Obama-Selected 36-year incumbent Senator as running mate

Family Affairs

Palin-May have removed State Public Safety Commissioner as part of effort to protect sister in messy divorce and child custody battle

Obama-Often says, "I am my brother's keeper";Brother lives in a hut in Nairobi on $12 per year

Union affiliation

Palin-Union member, married to Union member

Obama-Endorsed by a union

Iraq and Troop Support

Palin-Formerly (pre-surge) critical of apparent lack of long-term strategy for Iraq;Visited wounded U.S. soldiers in Germany;visited AK National Guard soldiers deployed to Kuwait;Son deploying to Iraq on 9/11/08 as Army infantryman

Obama-Gave an anti-Iraq war speech to a crowd of anti-Iraq war demonstrators;almost visited wounded troops in Germany, but decided to go shopping in Berlin instead
Bipartisan/"maverick" credentials

Palin-Married to a non-Republican;Exposed corruption within own party;Campaigned for Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell against corrupt GOP congressman Don Young;Called out Sen Ted Stevens (R-AK) to "come clean" about financial dealings that are under fed investigation

Obama-Talks about bipartisanship

Legislative Record

Palin-Passed a landmark ethics reform bill;Used veto to cut budgetary spending;Prevented "bridge to nowhere" that would have cost taxpayers $400 million dollars.

Obama-Voted "present" over 100 times as IL state senator

How they dealt with corrupt individuals in home city/state

Palin-Exposed legal violations and conflicts of interest of Alaska Republican leaders; Campaigned against corrupt GOP Representative;Ran against and defeated corrupt incumbent governor in GOP primary

Obama-Launched political career in home of unrepentant domestic terrorist Bill Ayers (and still refers to him as a part of "mainstream Democratic Chicago";Purchased home with help of convicted felon Tony Rezko
Guns

Palin-Lifetime member of NRA and avid hunter;video can be found on YouTube of Palin firing an M4 at a military firing range

Obama-Worked to pass legislation in Illinois that would prevent all law-abiding citizens from owning firearms

Earmarks

Palin-Opposed "Bridge to Nowhere" project;Said Alaska should avoid relying on federal money for projects;Campaigned against porker Don Young (R-AK) in 2008 primary

Obama-Secured federal earmarks for wife's employer and for campaign bundlers

Abortion

Palin-Pro life;gave birth to 5th child knowing that he would have Down's syndrome

Obama-Pro-choice; only IL state sen. to speak against the Born Alive Infant's Protection Act, which required medical care to be given to live infants who survived abortions
Energy

Palin-Believes energy independence is a matter of national security;For drilling in ANWR, which is in her state

Obama-Says Americans should "get tune-ups" and "check tire pressure";Says "we can't expect the world to be okay with" our use of heating and air conditioning
Environment

Palin-Chair of Alaska Conservation Commission (2003-4);Announced plans to create sub-cabinet group of advisors to address climate change and reduce greenhouse gas emissions in AK

Obama-Talks about the environment a lot

Soccer Mom's can rule the world!

2008-08-29T09:52:00.002-05:00

It's rumored that Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin will be John McCain's VP pic and I'm in awe! I've don't know much about this 40 something soccer mom from AK but I do like the idea of a conservative women getting the chance to have a say in Washington. She has a degree in Communications/Journalism and decided that what she saw in local politics needed to be changed and that she could make a difference. She was elected to local government, state government and now has the national spot light...can you believe it?! I'm inspired by her story....because it could have been me...it could have been you...you can make a difference! Soccer Mom's can rule the world! = )

Quiet Please!

2008-08-29T08:39:00.008-05:00

Yesterday was the kid's first full day of school...and Wesley was ready to pick up the kids by 11am. We must have had a hundred conversations that went like this:

Wes: Can we go pick up the kids?
Me: No, they aren't done yet.
Wes: Yes they are.
Me: No, they are not.
Wes: Yes they are.
Me: No the bus is not there yet, we have to wait until this afternoon.
Wes: Is it afternoon yet?

And on and on it went...for hours and hours and hours.

I left a half hour early for the bus stop just because I couldn't take one more argument...he fell asleep on the way....THANK GOD! A few minutes of peace and then the bus arrived.

8am Today--he's learned to ride a two-wheeler
8:15 He rode his scooter
8:17 Asked for a snack
8:20 Asked again
8:30 Played with cars outside
8:31 Sprinklers came on and scared the cr*! out of him...now he's back in the house....TALKING TO ME about what he wants for Christmas and asking why he can't go to school?? Help Me!

Pictures are on Facebook...are you?

2008-08-26T08:40:00.001-05:00

My Hilton Head pictures are listed on facebook...check them out if you dare. See you soon Melissa! = )

Joe Biden, really? Yuck!

2008-08-23T09:14:00.002-05:00

When's bed time?

2008-08-23T08:37:00.003-05:00

When we got home from vacation, Doug and I decided that since school starts in a week and a half we were going to institute early bed times so that the kids could recover from vacation and get ready for school. Great idea! Wrong!

Ever since we said, "You are going to bed on time," we have had more opportunities to go out than ever before. Baseball games, dinner parties, late night neighborhood chats and so on. I think my kids are more tired this weekend than they were last weekend when we declared the bedtime rule. Argh!!!

So, bed time starts tonight! My 11 year-old would say, "Whatever!"

I've got a good handle on my little guys bed time...7:30-8:00...seems to work well for them. It's the older two that have me a little confused. What is a good bed time for a 6th grader? He will be getting up at 6:45 in the morning. Any ideas?

We are off to Emily's first soccer game...I'd take pictures if I could find my camera, but then again I'd be posting about vacation if I could have found my camera!

It's an August thing

2008-07-28T08:12:00.005-05:00

I love summer. I love the pace, the lack of schedules, the fun, swimming, heat and look forward to adopting a "Jimmy Buffet" approach to life. Love that the kids can eat Pop-tarts for breakfast, stay in their pj's till noon and go to bed at 10...it's all good, really good for a while.

Then August hits and everything gets real boring...

The pool is no longer fun, the heat is too hot, not having a schedule becomes a burden instead of a blessing and everyone in my house, me included, starts to long for "normal life" again.

I remember when my kids were all preschoolers and this rhythm was not a part of our life...everyday seememd unkindly like the last...and I longed for a break from the monotony of it all. With the advent of school aged children life seemed a little less bland...there were actually seasons again...seasons are good!

So this summer season is winding down...or at least it feels like it should be...still a month till school starts...VBS starts today, then vacation then two weeks till school...

I promise around September 1 I'll be lamenting the end of summer and will be asking where all the time went...it's a rhythm...it's not boring....it's just predictable.

He's gonna kick MY ass?

2008-07-20T17:49:00.001-05:00

Charlie bit my finger - again !

2008-07-20T17:47:00.001-05:00

This is too funny! Watch the baby's face.

It's Christian's turn...

2008-07-14T06:59:00.008-05:00

Christian leaves for camp this morning...he's really excited...I'm pretty sure he's been awake since 5:30 when Wesley came down the hall crying because of a bad dream. Who can blame him? I couldn't go back to sleep either...however, I'm allowed to come out of my room!

It occurred to me yesterday as we got ready that it's so much easier the second time around...no tears, no anxiety, just excitement. Isn't that weird? I'm so confident that he can do this and that he will be well taken care of and that at the end of the week he'll have had a great time and be completely tired.

He's growing up so fast and that fact has been hitting home on a regular basis lately. A big part of that is his changing stature...5'3! Also his incredible sense of humor and quick wit(which sometimes gets him in trouble) add to how mature he is becoming. Parenting an 11 year old is worlds different from parenting younger kids...there is a tremendous learning curve for me as to what to allow vs. what to crack down on, how much risk is appropriate vs. how much I need to watch over him, how much to listen vs. how much to talk. It seems to me that as soon as I get a good handle on our relationship it changes.

This was hammered home yesterday at church as we said 'good-bye' to one of our youth group young men...he's heading to boot camp. Another one of our 'boys' just had his first child and then was shipped off to Afghanistan...time never stands still. And as I watched my friend Karen's tears fall all morning because it was her son going to boot camp I was struck that I'm glad my son is only going to summer camp...for now.

Good bye Christian...have a great time...look for God's hand, it will be resting on you...I pray you have an open heart to hear his voice this week.

Happy Birthday!

2008-07-13T11:57:00.002-05:00

It's July 13 and my little girl is celebrating another birthday...I can hardly believe it...but she's 9 years old~

Emily is the heart and laughter of our family. She has the kindest heart and is always thinking of others. She constantly sings, dances, bounces and kart-wheels everywhere.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Growin' Up

2008-07-08T21:19:00.003-05:00

This summer is so different for us than others because in one year I've left all the diapers, strollers, naps, cribs, wipes, bibs, baby food jars, sippy cups and everything else that is baby behind. It really hit me last week when my "girls" came over and literally stripped my garage down to nothing and then put it back together again. We tossed two strollers(kept two), two high chairs, baby shoes, clothes, toys, two car seats and and infant carrier and all the other stuff that defined my life experience for the last 11 years. It was a really strange feeling. It was strange to see how fast I went from needing to pack all that "stuff" with me for every trip and now...traveling is so much lighter.

Although I don't seem to have much alone time any longer because no one is taking naps and my older two are staying up until I go to bed...it's a good thing. I don't feel like I'm a slave to the clock anymore. If we want to go out at 1 in the afternoon we can...if we don't have dinner until 7...no one cares....if we want to stay out past 8 it's all good. I love this pace of life. Schedules are good...and when my kids were small(like last year) I firmly believed in keeping to one...but now, there is so much more freedom.

I wondered if I would mourn the passing of the baby days...and sometimes I still need to hold Wesley and feel his little arms around me or hold Jed's still little hand...but for the most part I'm so content to watch them grow...it's a good thing!

She's yours Lord

2008-06-26T08:52:00.003-05:00

My Emily is at camp this week for the first time. She has been gone since Monday and I'm going to pick her up tomorrow. My sister-friends think it's quite funny to hear how I'm missing her...but I am. It's a strange experience of giving up control when my kids go to camp. For the first time in my life, I give them to complete strangers to keep them safe and have to rely on God's love and protection in a different and more complete way. I don't know if I can articulate my heart but I will try.

Every time I've left my children in the past I leave them with family or friends, people I know and trust. And I have left them...Doug and I have taken weekends away together and even gone on a 7 day cruise together and left the kids behind. I think that it is extremely important for both mom, dad and kids to get away sometimes. We go away, they stay at grandma's or cousin's or friends houses for a day or two...

But camp is different. They stay away a long time. I can't call them(however, one of my rules when on vacation is not to call...it upsets everybody...so I'm not sure why this bothers me?) I don't know what they are doing. I'm not sure who they are with. I don't know what they are eating. I don't know if they are pooping. This is a very strange twilight place for me to be....I'm usually not this mom. ???? I'm always about them growing up independent, growing up self-reliant. A "you can work it out on your own" kind of mom.

But I think the part of camp that stretches me most is that I have to wholly rely on God. I'm required to put feet to my faith and believe that God loves my kids more than I do and that he is more capable than I to take care of them, to love them, to provide for them, to keep them safe. It's a faith exercise for me. A time when I open up my hands and give God my most precious treasure. And also open up my hands and bless my kids and say, "Fly!" It's a small flight and I know there will be much bigger ones to come...I'm grateful for these baby steps of letting go but it doesn't make them any easier.

Thank you Father, for the most amazing gift of motherhood and for allowing me time to cuddle and love and teach and grow these four amazing children. The time is short I know, each day I learn that more and more. I trust you Lord. Please keep Emily safe. Please reveal yourself to her heart in a way that changes her, that challenges her to want to know you more. May her time away from me be a time when she seeks to know you and rely on you more. You are her creator, her life-giver, her Savior, her friend, her provider, her comforter. I open my hands, my grip...I know that's my role. I pray that you reveal your love to her loudly and whisper into her ear that I love her too, please.

2008-06-15T18:51:00.005-05:00

Here are some random photos of the last few weeks here at the Bierma house...since getting my new pink camera...we've been snapping photos left and right!
Me and my beautiful girl!

The hippos at the Bolingbrook promenade...a really great place to play in the water...just be sure to bring extra clothes!

We celebrated Doug's 38th birthday at Chilis...the kids had ribs and made a huge mess and had TONS of fun.

Christian and Wesley...for some reason Christian thinks it's fun to be buried in the sand at the volleyball court???

Just being silly!

Jed started T-Ball the day before Christan finished baseball. Lately, all I seem to be doing is sitting at a ball game. T-ball is a totally different experience however, I tend to laugh until I cry. Jed is so proud of his hat and T-shirt...he hasn't taken them off in a week

The summer schedule is really hard on my poor little Wesley...he tends to fall asleep on the couch 3-4 times a week...we all laugh...I take lots of pictures and then we carry him up to bed. I just love watching a sleeping child.

Summer

2008-06-06T12:34:00.002-05:00

It's summer! Finally, the warm weather is here...although it's too windy to go outside right now. The kids are home & Doug is at work. We are all figuring out how to live with eachother 24/7 agian...it's always a time of adjustment not to mention that the kids are just plain tired from going to bed late. Not too much new here...kind of brewing a post in my head...check back in a few days to see if it came out.

10 days and counting

2008-05-24T08:21:00.002-05:00

I slept in my bed all night last night! Yay for me! Doug has been snoring so much while recovering from surgery that I've been on the couch for a week. Every night I try...every night I end up on the couch...but not last night! I woke up to Emily tapping my shoulder and when I opened my eyes I was still in my own room! Small victory I know but I'm hoping this means that Doug is getting better because for the last 10 days every day is worse than the one before it.

The kids only have 2 1/2 more days of school left...how did that happen? I'm not ready for them to be home yet...but I am ready to be done with the whole school routine for awhile. It's still not very warm here in Chicago yet...so strange? Usually by this time we are well into the 80's...this year we haven't hit 80 yet?

Hopefully the weather will break soon and hopefully Doug's pain will break soon and hopefully our family will return back to normal soon...hopefully....

Surgery Day

2008-05-14T21:16:00.002-05:00

This has been a very difficult year this year for Doug...it seems he has been sick more often than he has been well. In fact, when we went back and looked at the charts we discovered he had Strep 8 times in the past 12 months. On top of that he had multiple sinus infections so many that between the strep and the infections it seemed like he was taking an antibiotic more often than not. Dr. Gartlan, a friend of ours, told Doug months ago that he thought surgery was his only option but it took Doug a long time and 2 more bouts of Strep to agree.

When we went to the doctor for an exam we found out that he indeed need his tonsils out but even more importantly he needed his nose fixed. The CT scan of his nose looked like a squiggly line. There was absolutely nothing straight in his nose, it was amazing!

So today he went under the knife to have this extensive corrective surgery. The recovery time for this is quite long--he has to take 2 1/2 weeks off of work! He is in a lot of pain right now, but never fear I am drugging him up...and it's hilarious! He's on Oxycontin, Tylenol, Celebrex, an antibiotic and nasal rinse. Yikes! I know Jana wants to be a nurse but that has never and will never be in my cards.

Say a prayer for us because Dr. Gartlan says that days 5-9 are worse than the first few days...oh boy!

BEFORE

AFTER

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T19:37:00.006-05:00

Today was a wonderful day here in Biermaland! It started out with church this morning. I had the great opportunity to sing the Mom's Overture live in church...it was thrilling and tons of fun! Then we went to my dear friends Laura and Bob's house for dinner. We were joined by Dave and Carol and Tim and Jen. The guys put everything together, made the menu, made the food and cleaned up! It was wonderful! Tim and Jen came back to our house after dinner so Wyatt could take a nap and the guys could play X-Box. I got a new pink camera for Mother's Day and a printer...so here are some of my first shots. The camera also came with 10 lessons...so I'm looking forward to getting better hopefully I'll improve soon.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-07T13:27:00.002-05:00

This is like growing up in my house between my brother and I.

Wesley...my little man

2008-04-29T14:07:00.002-05:00

My auntie Laurie takes the best pictures. It's a good thing too cause my mom tends to lose her camera for months on end and never takes a single picture of my beautiful mug! It's a crying shame!

Crazy Weekend!

2008-04-28T09:38:00.006-05:00

Thursday morning we hit the ground running and haven't stopped until right now. I have no food, no clean clothes, no clean dishes, no gas and no more energy to burn! Yikes! Thursday morning was Jed's 6th birthday. He's getting so old! We had cookie cake and ice cream for breakfast and opened presents before he went to school. Thursday night, Christian was in a musical at school. It was a great show complete with dancing, humor and even special effects. He kept saying he hated the idea of singing in front of people, yet, it looked like he had fun and he made it perfectly clear to me and Doug that standing between two girls made everything more bearable! = )

Friday night Emily was off to camp with Gems. She got off the bus at 4:05, got home at 4:15, left for the store(to pick up the snack mom forgot to get) and then church at 4:30 and left with the girls at 5:00pm. Actually, it was more like 5:05 because she forgot to pack her sleeping bag and I had to run home and get it...kids!

Friday night was also the piano recital for the boys. Emily was suppose to play too but chose to go to camp...which was an impossibly hard decision for her. Jed did great at his very first recital. I'm so proud! Christian also was awesome! He loves playing and even begged an extra time slot from his teacher. We played a song together...that was nerve racking! A total first...but I loved it. It was a lot of fun to sit next to him and share that time.

From the recital, we all (mom and dadx2 and uncle) went back to our house for Jed's birthday party. Birthday pie(Jed doesn't like cake...says all he eats is the top part anyhow, so why bother mom?) and ice cream for all...a couple of rounds of happy birthday and would you all please leave now, I'm tired!

Saturday was opening day for baseball...but before that I had to find baseball pants that would actually fit Christian. The ones they gave us with his uniform were WAY TOO BIG! So I was out with every other parent in New Lenox in search of a different size. Got home at 11:45 and was off to the Easter Seals Telethon. Doug was one of the on camera interviews...he's so important! He did a great job...and it was really interesting to watch how they do a live show. Went out for a quick bite to eat and off to the ball fields.

It was so windy on Saturday here...I think I still have dirt in my teeth! Christian had a great game! First time up to bat he got a good hit into right field which was an RBI. Second time up to bat he fouled two balls and then got walked....stole second, stole third and then scored. This was so great because last season we waited until the second to last game for a hit. He was super excited. He played right field for two innings(yawn!) and 1st base for one.

Saturday night Emily came home from camp late. Sunday morning, we woke up to a huge school project that was due this morning. It was one of those projects that in theory we should have had done before she went to camp, but time totally got away from us and suddenly we're stuck doing it the day before.

Well, if you've stuck it out this long thanks! Big thanks to my little Wesley who had to sit through a musical, a piano recital, a telethon and a baseball game...he did great. I'm so proud. Here are some pics from this weekend, I don't have a camera so I had to steal my father-in-laws...that's why there are some missing moments.

My big 6 year-old! He lost two teeth this week!

Wesley had to have his own candle. I thought he was gonna burn his nose!

Christian playing guitar hero.

Christian #11

Christian and Collin(his friend/cousin)

My laptops back and your gonna be in trouble!

2008-04-17T18:57:00.004-05:00

None of you are really in trouble, it just sounded musical to me. My laptop crashed a few weeks ago and after many failed attempts I had to enlist the help of a paid professional. I hate paying people for things that I think I should be able to do myself. But I'm so glad that I did because now I have my little heater back, my window to the world, my connection to all things American Idol...it's great!

A Wal-mart life?

2008-04-09T19:31:00.004-05:00

"It takes so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the courage to pay the price." Morris L. West

Is there truth in this statement? What is the price of a self-examined life? What fuels our paralysis and keep us from accepting the best becoming "fully human"?

The fear of self-discovery. It is frightening to really look at who we are and examine why we do what we do? Just looking requires us to "pay the price" actually changing may be incomprehensible?

Accepting the "Wal-Mart life" is a much safer and far less expensive option. It's a bargain, a blue light special...it's polyester instead of cashmere. The "Wal-Mart" life is the way it's always been done; it is a life with no surprises. It is finding yourself doing what you do simply because you do it. The skeletons appear to stay in the closet and we like it that way. If you're angry you stay angry, if your sad you stay sad, accepting defeat, embracing powerlessness, romancing the stone. It's the equivalent of walking around with a bag on your head and the "christian" community accepts, embraces this way of living.

Christ came to offer us the best life, life to the fullest: to save us from a broken and sinful world. We accept this theology in our churches, we accept this theology through our creeds and speak often of how this world is in need of redemption but we are far less willing to accept or apply this to ourselves, to our families, to our relationships. It is easier to believe this gospel is for "them" that we already "got it." To accept that we still need to be redeemed would mean redeeming the way we respond to the people we love or to redeem the broken way we interpret the world. It would mean that we would have to accept our own brokenness on a much deeper level and redemption would require change.

The price of change is too high or so we believe. Change requires the risk of opening up to someone else, the risk of revealing ourselves to another. The risk of being perceived...the risk of being seen for all that we are...broken. The fear of risk blinds us to the reality that redemption leads us to a cashmere life; the life that Christ offers. Right now, right here on earth...not waiting for eternity but starting now.

Anything less than taking the risk is accepting the "Wal-Mart" life...choosing to have full shopping carts of "valuelessness" instead of holding in our hands just what is quality. We walk around wanting to believe we've got it all, wanting to believe this is the best that can be hoped for yet becoming avid fans of life's "What Not To Wear" and wishing that we too could be in the 360 degree mirror...but knowing the price would be too high....

Hello

2008-04-08T08:55:00.003-05:00

I want to talk. I want to write. Yet, I keep deleting everything I type. It's not a very effective way of blogging. More to come.

Her water broke!

2008-03-31T21:25:00.002-05:00

My girlfriend Carrie had her baby yesterday after quite an exciting and unexpected turn of events that lead to baby James coming almost a month early! Everybody is doing fine.

So Emily and Alaina were over at Auntie's house when she called the two girls into the kitchen to share the good news, "Girls, Mrs. Carrie's water broke and she had to call an ambulance to take her to the hospital. She's going to have her baby today."

The girls looked at Auntie excited and with a tad bit of confusion on their faces as they left the kitchen. A few moments later my beautiful girl says, "Auntie, why did Mrs. Carrie call an ambulance? If her water broke, shouldn't she have called a plumber?"

Thoughts for the day...

2008-03-24T06:36:00.001-05:00

We have to be braver than we think we can
Because God is constantly calling
Us to be more than we are.
~Madeleine L'Engle

How we spend our days is of course,
How we spend our lives.
There is no shortage of good days,
It is good lives that are hard to come by.
~Annie Dillard

I still love newspapers

2008-03-21T11:32:00.002-05:00

Here is a ROFL article from Friday's Chicago Tribune. I don't care what people say...I still love reading the newspaper(s) in the morning.

I'm done! Almost...

2008-03-15T21:09:00.002-05:00

This coming Tuesday I've been asked to talk to a Coffee Break group at their annual Lenten Breakfast. They didn't give me any topic, just a date and a time and a request that we also have a time of worship. I was honored and challenged...and I haven't slept much past 5:30am for the last 2 weeks trying to prepare. It seems the only time I can study, write or meditate is before the sun comes up and the noises of the day start. As soon as one of my cherubs walks down the stairs my concentration is gone and it's all over. Why is that?

This is not the first time I've spoken to a large group of women, thanks to my friend Jen, who allowed me to come and talk about how to have great sex at her MOPS group. But this is the first time I've been allowed to bring a "message." And the more I search myself, the more I realize that I've longed to be a minister for most of my life. That idea actually cost me a boyfriend back in college...when I mentioned the idea at his parent's dinner table I thought his dad was gonna need a the Heimlich maneuver...it was entertaining!

This morning after I had typed the last word of my talk I had an overwhelming fear of being trite or uninspiring. All of my insecurities flooded over me with the kind of emotional weight you can actually feel. And even though I'm convinced that God has brought me to this place of honor and fulfilling purpose...the fear of being completely not up to the task rages inside of me. It's as if I'm afraid to accept the gift I'm being offered...the gift of purpose...what if I'm wrong? What if I fail?

Do I have the faith to trust God...to really believe he loves me enough to create me with specific talents, insights and has a design for my life. Sometimes it seems easier to do things that I'm not personally invested in because I have nothing to lose.

I covet your prayers tonight. I'm in the middle of a search for God's purpose for my life. In the middle of a search for the next step. Searching for the courage to listen and obey. But then that's a whole different post.

Two of my pet peeves...

2008-03-06T06:58:00.003-06:00

#1 Getting woke up at 2AM by children who should know better...and then not being able to fall back asleep.

#2 Finally accepting you're not going back to sleep only to have one or two of the children get up way too early and interrupt the glorious quiet that was filling the house.

What keeps you from hearing?

2008-03-04T08:05:00.003-06:00

The question this morning was, "What blocks you from hearing God's voice?

It dawned on me that the clutter of my life-my house-my body stand in the way of my listening and hearing. The mess around me and the body image that I carry with me keep my focus here...on myself...selfishly...disallowing my thoughts to be focused on God. This is a frightening confession because it requires action.

I wonder if this strikes a chord with anyone? Does this ring as truth? If you stop and give this thought some time...what have you built into your life that keeps you from hearing God's voice? Do you see it as selfishness or helplessness? Could it be that holding one to the things you despise most about yourself is actually an act of selfishness instead simply a weakness or character flaw? Do we purposely, yet subconsciously, hold on to circumstances, surroundings, thoughts, images, beliefs or weaknesses in order to isolate ourselves from God's voice? To play God...

I believe that often we are the biggest road block in our relationship with God. Is the fear of action greater than the desire for acceptance... Is the fear of failure greater than the hope of living in Truth...of knowing who we are as God's daughters?

Authenticity

2008-03-01T12:59:00.004-06:00

The most visible creators I know of
are those artists whose
medium is life itself.
The ones who express
the inexpressible--without brush,
hammer, clay or guitar.
They neither paint nor sculpt--
their medium is being.
Whatever their presence touches
has increased life.
They see and don't have to draw,
they are the artists of being alive.

J. Stone

Early Blooms

2008-02-28T10:20:00.003-06:00

The crocuses may not be pushing through the 8 inches of snow that is in my front yard yet but there is no reason to put off enjoying their beauty. Isn't God's attention to detail marvelous?

2008-02-23T08:39:00.007-06:00

I've been on a search for the compass of purpose and direction. Wrestling with God, asking so many questions, wanting so many answers...wanting solid ground under my feet. In my quest I've come across a wonderful book by Judith Couchman, "Designing a Woman's Life" In it she wrote,

"When we're willing to wrestle with our disbelief and eventually embrace a God-based significance, when we push beyond an intellectual understanding into the knowledge of the heart, it poignantly influences how we view ourselves and manage our lives. Instead of questioning our worth and berating our imperfections, we can consider ourselves magnificent works of art in progress, filled with meaning and the freedom to be who God created us to be.

Even more, we could accomplish nothing or everything admired by humanity and keep peace within our souls. We hear the Creator's affirming whispers and know that our significance does not fluctuate with the circumstances. We stay God-centered and internally free. We find ourselves rooted in love and confidence instead of tossed by the wavering winds of accomplishment.

We also lovingly respond to God."

This book is filled with so many insights that seem to speak right to my heart at this moment. I'm struck by the words..."poignantly influencing how we view ourselves and manage our lives"...I wonder what that would look like for me? And what does it really mean...what does it look like...how does it act...to find ourselves staying God-centered and internally free? I'm not looking for answers...they would probably only lead to more questions.

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. Psalm 84:5

More Stuff heard around my house

2008-02-13T15:41:00.003-06:00

Wesley: "Mom, can we go swimming when we get home?"

Me: "No it's too cold out."

Wesley: "But I really want to go swimming, can we go swimming when daddy gets home?"

Me: "No, the swimming pool is full of snow, it's frozen like an ice cube."

Wesley: "MAAAAAAMMY, when will the snow go down so we can go swimming? I don't want the snow any more!"

AMEN!

Stuff heard around my house...

2008-02-06T19:14:00.000-06:00

Wes: If you're happy in your nose...clap you hands!

Me: If you're happy in your nose?

Wes: Ya!

Now I didn't know it went like that, did you?

Grandma

2008-02-05T06:08:00.000-06:00

I dreamed of my Grandma Christine this morning. I could see, hear, touch and smell every detail in the room and we laughed together for so long. The kind of laughter that hurts your stomach because it is so sweet. I'm still amazed by the detail of the experience...I saw a room I didn't even know that I remembered. And she looked so beautiful...all old and rosy...full of life...full of love. The urge to crawl back down the rabbit hole back to a place of safety and youth and relationship was overwhelming...I don't remember in color while I'm awake.

My grandma was old the entire time I knew her. She was 42 when she had my mom and by the time I came along she was 64 and by the time I remember her she was in her 70's. She would babysit us all the time because my grandfather passed away when I was 2 and so she devoted her life to us. That sounds wonderful but I remember not always liking her. Simply because she was at our house so often she would discipline us more than my other grandma(and it was always a competition of who was nicer to me...and Grandma Aardsma never won.)

Grandma Christine was not a push over; she was a survivor. The most amazing kind. In a world that did not respect woman, let alone single women, she persevered and was self-sufficient. Qualities that I admire now as an adult, but wasn't too fond of as a child. She was not afraid to say no but was always gracious to say yes. She took care of everybody...even her "old friends." And that is how she would describe them, which was hilarious because she was just as old or older than they were. But Grandma was not afraid of her age and never let it be a handicap. When her friends were shutting down with frailty she was bursting with energy. She never judged them but was kind to a fault. As a child, I was jealous; as an adult I'm in awe.

Grandma was always smiling, she was not a gossip or a complainer. I remember her smiling and laughing. I remember her hand on my head...this morning more real than it has ever been.

I remeber her belly, which as a child I thought felt like a real bowl of jelly...I remember telling her that...she would just laugh and let me lay there...resting. I think that is my favorite memory of Grandma...the times I would get to lay in bed with her early in the morning and we would just "be" together. Ordinarily, she was always doing something, always busy, always on task, but in the morning before she got up from bed she would grant me the most valuable gift of all, her time.

I never got to say good-bye. I was too busy being a new mom in a different state. Too busy to take time to visit her when she was ailing, too wrapped up in myself, my family, my problems to go and say good-bye. Too afraid to see her frail.

But this morning, I woke up in her living room, laughing together with her. It was so wonderful. She is my hero...I am her namesake...I am so thankful.

Love you Grandma.

The Lord's Prayer--according to Wesley

2008-02-01T09:06:00.000-06:00

Our Fadder,
Who art in heaven
Halloween be your name
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On Eart as it is in Heaven

Give us this day our daily bread(like raisin or toast or sandwiches)
And forgive us our debts
As we forgive our fathers (????)

Lead us notintotemdation
But deliver us from evil guys

For yours is the KINGDOM!!!
And the POWER!!!
And the GLORY FOREVER!!!

A--------------------MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When it's Welsey's turn to lead the prayer...we all crack up and some of us spit food!

Dishes, laundry, dinner, bedtime, REPEAT

2008-01-28T17:49:00.000-06:00

Doug and I have been having an ongoing conversation over his concern of his perception of my disdain of being a SAHM. (If you can get through that sentence, congratulations!) I've been trying to explain to him that I don't hate being a SAHM however, sometimes the monotony of it all sometimes leaves me wanting more.

He is astonished that I seem surprised by the question, "What's for dinner?" I'm trying to explain to him that I'm not surprised by the question rather, the question drains me. I know that I have to provide dinner and lunch and breakfast every day, it's just that it is difficult to continue to find new items for the menu and even harder to actually keep the food in the house.

Although having a clean house is very satisfying, actually cleaning the house is not. In fact, I don't mind cleaning too much, but the fact that after I do it everyone drops all their stuff everywhere with no regard for my work is disheartening. Even harder to deal with is cleaning the kitchen only to have it messed up again and again and again and again.

In fact, my biggest complaint with housework in general, is the general nature of "unending-ness" that seems to accompany it. The laundry is never done, the dishes never clean, the fridge always empty and the kitchen always dirty.

I don't hate being a SAHM. In fact, I consider it an enormous privilege and luxury. I realize that I am being given an enormous gift. Even with my full understanding of the life of privilege that I've been given, I still tend to lose my zeal with the monotony of the job. Sometimes I do long for a job that will pay me actual cash or give me achievement awards or have a task that I can see from start to finish. I'm confident that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also confident that my life will not always look the way it does right now and that some day I will have other problems. But right now, in the middle of January, I do find myself dreaming of leaving the house, earning some spending money and then coming back home to loads of unending laundry and an empty pantry.

Why do I argue?

2008-01-17T19:05:00.003-06:00

There are times in my life that I find myself arguing with my children...it's a terribly slippery slope than I don't realize I'm on until I'm so stressed that my shoulders are around my ears and my neck is as stiff as an oak tree. Somewhere in the middle of me explaining why...it hits me, "Why am I arguing...just do what I said." "Why, because I said so!"

And the older they get the better they get at involving me in these banters...now granted, I think that children should learn to have opinions and be able to voice what is on their mind, however, there is a time and a place for everything and when I'm telling you to go do your homework upstairs and you want to argue about the decibel level in your room from the wind as opposed to the decibel level in the kitchen from brothers, TV, Ipod and dog is not one of those times. When I'm telling you to put your PJ's on because it's time for bed is not one of those times, when you are instructed to finish your milk,put your coat on, go to the bathroom, buckle up...none of these times are the right time to voice your argumentative opinion.

Yet, I will in moments of weakness entertain the arguments. I continually say things like, "Because..., because..., because..." I always hated when my mother would say, "Because I said so!" but as an adult I can appreciate that declarative sentence immensely. Sometimes that's all you can say as a parent because to explain the details of why and how you came to the decision you have arrived at is too exhausting, won't be understood and frankly doesn't need to be explained.

So I'm shaking my head and wondering how I've fallen down this slippery slope fighting to right myself and my children are shaking their heads wondering why their reign of terror and control has come to an end.

Why do I take naps on Sunday afternoon?

2008-01-13T22:38:00.001-06:00

On the weekends that I sing on Worship Team I come home from the third service on Sunday completely exhausted. Bone tired. Newborn tired...I simply can't keep my eyes open and as soon as we say "Amen" after lunch I flee the table and bury myself under the covers and sleep. Sleep hard. It's glorious until it's bed time and suddenly I'm not tired...at all!

I'm sitting here watching the TLC show John and Kate plus 8. Has anybody seen this show? It's hilarious! I'm in awe of this woman who has a set of twin girls who are 7 and sextuplets who are three. She is amazingly organized, completely involved with her kids and so very real. I watch this family and think that if they can do this with 8 kids I can certainly handle my 4. And secretly I think, well, my kids aren't that bad.

Wrestling is big in our house right now. That's all the boys do all day long...that and jump off the coffee table into the bean bag chairs. It's a little nuts. The funny thing is that Wesley(the baby) is big enough and tough enough to take down every last one of his siblings. It's so much fun to watch all of them play together.

Well, I should start turning off the lights and trying to force myself to get sleepy..wish me luck!

Congratulations Melissa!

2008-01-10T13:56:00.000-06:00

Take a look at what has happened to my blogging friend Melissa since Monday...I still can't wrap my brain around it!

The best 6 minutes you'll spend today.

2008-01-09T19:22:00.001-06:00

Please watch this great story, you will love it.

So gross!

2008-01-02T19:35:00.000-06:00

Ok, I need the writer's strike to end...today! We have been reduced to watching hours and hours of the Discovery show "Dirty Jobs" If you're not familiar with it...it's gross. The entire show is about poo and dead animals and anything else that is terribly disgusting. Granted, my kids and husband are entertained...I'm wondering when oh when will the writer's strike end?

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T08:21:00.001-06:00

Doug and I are in a production of a Christmas Comedy called "Rewind" We are having a blast laughing our way through Christmas...although we don't have a video of our performance, here is a clip of the original...if you have 20 minutes...take a look. It's a great coffee break!

Merry Christmas!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4375579612346863995

Do You See What I See?

2007-12-19T08:56:00.000-06:00

I love kid art!
Jed brought home these sun catchers from school yesterday, he said they were having fun with symmetry. He was so proud of them and told me the red one was a snowman. It was dark last night when he taped it on the window, but this morning the sun was shining...and Doug looks at me and says, "Uh, what's with the...It doesn't look so much like a snowman to me."

Update on my life

2007-12-13T16:09:00.000-06:00

Hannah Montana was awesome, Emily loved it. And I loved watching Emily!

Emily is the lead role in the Christmas play this Friday, so we have been stressing over learning lines and going to practice three nights this week.

Doug and I are in the adult Christmas program this weekend. Doug is singing and I am directing so we have been busy at those rehearsals.

The two of us are in a Christmas comedy that will run on Christmas eve eve and on Christmas eve. It is a 30 minute play called "Christmas Rewind" So we have been at many rehearsals as well.

I won a Christmas gift on Ebay(I will not tell you what it was because my kids read my blog) and was shipped a box filled with copy paper instead. It seems that someone at UPS will be giving this awesome gift to their family instead of me...and we(the seller and I) are involved in a case with UPS. I just want my money back.

The kids are home so I have to go.

Oh, and best news yet, Wesley is officially potty trained...poop and all!

The Hannah Montana Saga

2007-12-06T08:51:00.000-06:00

Emily, my baby girl, and I have been battling to get tickets to the hottest show in town, Hannah Montana. We joined her website in the summer to the tune of $34.95 with the promise that if HM ever came to town I would take her to the concert. When her tour was announced we received a pre-sale code because we were members of the site. The email said that those of us who were members would get first crack at the tickets. Well, Emily and I were so excited...she wanted to stay home the day of the sale but I wouldn't let her. When I logged in about 30 minutes after the sale opened I found that there were no pre-sale tickets left! I couldn't believe it, it just didn't seem right. But not to worry, I received this nice note that said if I didn't get pre-sale tickets, there would be another sale of general tickets in 3 days. So, Emily and I bravely waited, watched the clock the day of the sale and at the tick of 10am we logged in and searched for tickets, at 10:01 there were none. Em cried, I was at such a loss...when we searched ticket broker sights they seemed to have more than enough to sell me starting at $300 a pop.

Fast forward 2 weeks... Emily's best friend calls with the most exciting news, her dad got her a ticket for the concert! My baby girl sat on the phone silently weeping while she tried to be happy for her friend. It broke our hearts! She must have cried for an hour...wanting to be happy, but still saying over and over, "It's not fair!" But she picked herself up and said to me, "It's ok mom, I understand. Maybe she can buy me a T-shirt."

She's amazing...so mature, so brave, so gracious. She is amazing!

I on the other hand was so outraged at the injustice of the "presale" bologna that I joined a class action lawsuit against the concert promoters. I don't think it's right that they promise club members presale tickets only to find out that the ticket scalpers got theirs fist and had more than we did. Suing HM was an easy choice...I'm taking Billy Ray to the bank!

So, here's the great part of the story.

Yesterday, my girlfriend Tina calls. When I answer the phone she's talking to herself, "Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness."
I'm like, "What's wrong?"
Tina, "I'm still trying to digest this...Ok, Randy works with a guy who has 4 tickets to the HM concert and he wants to sell them to us at FACE VALUE!"
Me, "Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness!" LMAO! Jumping up and down! "Shut Up!"
Tina, "No, really. They have four tickets, his wife works for Disney and just got better tickets so now he wants to get rid of the ones he has!"
Me, "Shut Up!"

Emily screamed and almost fainted when we told her last night, it was awesome! We gave her a gift bag and told her it was an early Christmas present. When she pulled out the card that said, "Two tickets to the HM concert this Saturday!" She looked at me and then Doug like...is this for real? She danced around the house for 10 minutes. Half and hour after I put her to bed she came down crying..."Mom, we have to skip Grandma's party to go to the concert....I don't want her to be sad." She has a heart of gold, don't you think?

I'm hoping it's one of those memories we talk about when she's my age. She's been walking on cloud nine ever since...I can't wait to see her cry when we actually get there. I'll try to take pictures and post them this weekend!

Wes Pooped on the Potty!!!! Hallelujah!

2007-12-04T20:52:00.000-06:00

HE DID IT!!!! After a year of potty training my youngest finally dropped the kids off at the pool! I can't believe it!!! Now let's cross our fingers and hope that he will do it again!